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Debra R. Bryson, Charise M. Hoge
ExpatWomen's Interview with Debra and Charise
ExpatWomen: Congratulations Debra and Charise on the success of your book, ”A Portable Identity: A Woman’s Guide to Maintaining a Sense of Self While Moving Overseas”. A lot of factors made you two write this book. Can you quickly summarize why you decided to collaborate on this project?
Debra and Charise: Our collaboration began when we developed and led workshops for expat women in Bangkok, Thailand on the topic of how a move overseas affects the identity of trailing spouses. The idea to write a book as a way to share our information with a wider audience was actually raised by other professional counselors when Charise presented our work at a conference in Asia. At that time, there was limited information available for women on this topic. When we each repatriated to the United States (within a year of each other), we talked about this idea and decided to pursue it. We wanted our information to continue to be available to women internationally.
We were fortunate to live in the same area to begin meeting and brainstorming as to how to convert a workshop into a workbook. Once we began this writing project, we found ourselves renewing our commitment to see it through to completion in the face of other obligations and life changes (such as the birth of Debra’s daughters, our moves, other work requirements, what we call “mom duty” such as taking care of our children when they are ill or getting them to and from school and other activities, etc.). It almost seemed miraculous to us when we accomplished the writing and publishing of A Portable Identity.
ExpatWomen: Your book is completely interactive (worksheets, questionnaires, charts, etc.). How long did it take you to write this book?
Debra and Charise: It took us approximately 8 years to research, write, and publish the first edition of A Portable Identity. We began our collaboration in1995 after we each repatriated back to The United States. We were fortunate because our husbands were both posted to the Washington, D.C. area--Charise’s husband with the Army and Debra’s husband with the U.S. Department of State.
Writing A Portable Identity was a part-time endeavor for both of us, and revolved around other commitments. Like many other expatriate accompanying spouses, our time was also divided between our family and other work obligations. We also each moved during the writing of A Portable Identity—Debra moved twice and Charise moved once. Debra also gave birth to her two daughters in the process of writing the book. To say the least, we were very excited when A Portable Identity was published in 2003.
ExpatWomen: Do you think it is necessary for expat women to complete all the sections?
Debra and Charise: For the greatest benefit in understanding how your identity is affected during relocation and how to transition successfully to life abroad, we highly recommend completing all the sections in order. However, expat women choose to utilize our book in various and individual ways. We have even been told by a reviewer of our book that there is benefit in reading through it without engaging in the exercises. This is partly because the questions we ask (even without answering them) raise the reader’s awareness of her own process of change and loss to identity, and partly because the other content of the book (our stories and discussion) also supports and informs the reader about this process. We also recommend pacing yourself, allowing time to digest and process what you learn in the course of completing the exercises in the book.
There is logic to the timetable for completing the sections of the book.
The first section about how identity is structured prior to the move can be completed even before departure, and then the subsequent sections on the effect of the departure and entry into the foreign country can be completed once those events have taken place. The information on reconstructing identity while living overseas includes all the chapters on our model of The Wheel and examples of how to engage each step of it (commitment, resources, and tools), which the reader can apply to her situation according to her own level of readiness.
ExpatWomen: You identify seven (7) tools to help expatriate women reconstruct their identities. Can you quickly summarize these for our readers?
Debra and Charise: The seven tools to reconstruct identity come from the model we developed, called The Wheel, to help expatriate women take charge of the changes in identity that occur during international relocation.
Picking up tools is the third and final step of The Wheel. (Tools build on the first two steps of The Wheel, Commitment and Personal Resources.) Tools propel you into action. This is where you determine what you need to have in your life after you move, within the foreign country/culture, to have your identity in established form again.
The seven tools you can pick up and use to reconstruct your identity are:
1. Re-establishing a Sense of Stability and Security-This tool helps you determine what you need to have in place overseas to have an internal sense of stability/security. This helps you re-establish your internal foundation. Examples of this tool include getting settled in your home, friendship, employment, belonging to a church or organization, and/or establishing a support network.
2. Communication with the Self - This tool helps you connect to your soul or self so that you can get answers to questions about your self and what you need. This tool is instrumental in helping you determine what you need to reconstruct your identity. This is an inward journey and you learn ways to facilitate this process. Examples of communication with the self include journal writing, meditation, prayer, self-expression through poetry, dance, art, and/or music.
3. Communication with Others - This tool helps you understand the importance of relationships where each person in the relationship can express their thoughts and feelings and feel validated. By using this tool, you are able to seek out and build mutually beneficial relationships/friendships with others, which is critical to your success overseas.
4. Re-establishing a Support Network- This tool helps you put into place individual and group supports that when connected together provide you with emotional support, physical assistance, guidance, relief, and/or companionship when you need it. Having a support network in place makes your daily life easier and allows you to live your life in a fuller, more satisfying way. Having a support network is crucial to the expatriate woman’s success overseas.
5. Acceptance – This tool helps you come to terms with the overseas move (what you left behind and your new life overseas). By working through this tool, you are able to acknowledge your life before the move while also acknowledging the reality of your present situation. You work through your thoughts and feelings and there is an acknowledgement that the present cannot be the past, which allows you to move on and focus on the present and future.
6. Seeking Out Internal Activities - This tool helps you seek out activities that you can engage in by yourself for the primary benefit of your self, to feel good, and/or to stay connected to yourself. Examples of this tool include drawing, painting, playing an instrument, singing, reading, listening to music, yoga, writing, meditation, and prayer. This tool is extremely beneficial for the expatriate woman during any stage of the move, but especially in the early stages of arrival in a new country before you have a chance to develop new relationships.
7. Seeking Out External Activities – This tool helps you seek out activities with others. Using this tool is a great stress reliever because it helps you engage in activities for recreational purposes, to have fun, or to be connected with others. Examples of this tool include team sports, golf, swimming, bowling, dancing, playing cards, socializing, working out in a gym, travel, community clubs, and organizations.
ExpatWomen: You both moved while working on this book. Did that at all affect the contents of your book?
Debra and Charise: Both of our moves were domestic, within the U.S. The moves reinforced the content of our book and emphasized that our model of The Wheel is applicable to moving even within your own country. International relocation has the added impact of meeting and living in the foreign country and culture, but other aspects of moving that affect identity – leaving certain close relationships and significant roles behind, as well as losing the familiarity of your community – are relevant to moving in general.
Moving affected our work in other ways, as it slowed down the progress of writing our book temporarily and also altered how we work together, since we no longer lived in the same area. We had to rely on phone calls, letters and eventually e-mail, instead of meeting in person on a regular basis. We are now proficient at collaborating by e-mail and have regularly scheduled on line office hours.
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ExpatWomen: How did you manage to ‘sell’ your idea to a publisher and how much time did the publishing process take?
Debra and Charise:
For us, the publishing process actually began when we started writing the book. We are both counselors by background, and we didn’t know how to do either one, i.e., write a book nor have one published! Some of our first steps included doing basic research on ‘how to write a book’ and ‘how to publish a book’.
When we first started writing A Portable Identity we were both filled with considerable angst because of the whole idea that we would have to “sell” our idea to a publisher. This created much conflict within us as we wanted to write the book to help expatriate women, not to necessarily please a publisher. This may sound strange, but for our own integrity and commitment to expatriate women, we took the pressure off ourselves and freed ourselves to write the book by deciding to write it for ourselves and expatriate women.
After the book was completed, the second publisher we approached accepted our book for publication. (However, they initially wanted to convert the book into two books, one with our personal stories in it and the second, a workbook with the exercises and model of The Wheel in it. We advocated to keep the book in the format that it is because we included our stories within the book to let expatriate women know they are not alone in what they experience when they move, and to also encourage women to write their own stories within the book as well.) Once the book was accepted for publication, it took approximately one and a half years to publish A Portable Identity.
ExpatWomen: You also have a website, to help you promote your book and it also includes a chat room. What types of concerns are women voicing in your chat room?
Debra and Charise: Expat women tend to join our chat group when they are about to relocate or when they have just relocated to another country. Typically they share concerns about being in a new and unfamiliar place, feeling a need for support and guidance to get their bearings and figure out what they want to gain from the experience overseas. We now have members who joined the chat group two years ago, soon after we started it, and they share their knowledge and experience with new members.
Some of the most common themes that are discussed in chat are: concerns about career path, such as how to maintain your career or begin a new one that is more adaptable to the mobile lifestyle; being in the trailing spouse role and the effect of moving and living overseas on the marriage/partnership relationship; and the importance of relationships to women’s identity and how to find support in a new and foreign environment. Members of chat also discuss feelings of isolation, invisibility (especially if they were previously in a work role where their skills and talents were visible to others), anxiety, frustration, and a sense of loss. These feelings are normal to experience when your identity is in transition, as we describe in our book, but it is especially reassuring for expat women to hear other expat women expressing the same or similar feelings. Chat is also a place where expat women give inspiring accounts of how they have creatively built a meaningful life far from home.
Debra
Do you have any plans to update the book or write another one?
Debra and Charise: Our revised edition of A Portable Identity was published in August of 2005 just in time for the Families in Global Transition (FIGT) Conference where we also made several presentations on behalf of expatriate accompanying spouses. We are very proud of our revised edition because we created our own publishing company to publish this edition.
At this time, our efforts are directed toward our vision of reaching expatriate spouses worldwide with the message that changes in identity are normal for the accompanying spouse to experience during international relocation as well as to empower them to take charge of the changes in identity that occur for a more successful transition to life overseas. We continue to do this via our Chat Group on our website and conducting pre-departure workshops for accompanying spouses.
We are also in the process of expanding our work to include advocating for the needs of the accompanying spouse by educating employers, sending organizations, human resource managers, and relocation specialists about the effect of an international relocation on the accompanying spouse’s identity. We are reaching out to these individuals and organizations so that they can offer the necessary supports and resources to spouses that will help them transition successfully during international relocation.
ExpatWomen: What has been your most rewarding experience since writing A Portable Identity?
Debra and Charise: The most rewarding experience has been witnessing expatriate women take charge of their lives after reading and working through the exercises in A Portable Identity. It has also been rewarding watching our book lead to other endeavors that benefit expatriate women, such as creating a website, writing articles, giving presentations and trainings, meeting other expatriate authors as well as other professionals who assist expatriate families, and talking to international expat women in our chat group. Our world has expanded greatly since the writing of our book, which began with the two of us meeting at a coffee house to share ideas about how to format it. Not to mention that these other endeavors allow the two of us to continue to talk and meet and support each other as close friends as well as co-authors and colleagues! |
Debra
Debra & Charise, thank you so much for sharing your experiences with other expatriate women. We wish all the best!
Debra and Charise: Thank you so much for this opportunity. We were so excited when we learned about your website for expatriate women and we were thrilled when you asked to interview us. It is amazing what expatriate women can do for and on behalf of each other. We wish you both all the best!
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