Living Your Best Life Abroad
Resources, Tips and Tools
For Women Accompanying Their Partners On An International Move Jeanne Heinzer
Expat Women's Interview with Jeanne
ExpatWomen:Jeanne, you describe yourself as "an artist... a lifelong student of the art of saying goodbye to a city or country, the art of setting up a new home from scratch and the art of caring for my children while going through culture shock". Please tell us about your international background and your artistic life.
Jeanne: I left Germany at the age of 25. At the time, I was deeply unhappy. I had studied English and French and loved Paris and the French culture. I asked myself: What is it that I really want from my life right now? And my answer was: fun, freedom and living in Paris.
Living my values meant cutting down on my lifestyle as my French salary was low. The experience of having less but living according to my values was a life changing experience. Who would have thought that, at the time, I would change countries every two to three years living in Paris, Fontainebleau, London, The Hague, Basel, Bern and now close to New York City? Living so many lives in one life, I learned to use my creativity to create stability, despite the external chaos of starting again and again.
I am an adventurer, which definitely helped me to always reinvent myself, both personally and professionally. The most fascinating jobs I did as a result of my exotic CV were: representing the Tourism Authority of Thailand in Switzerland; working for Insead – a leading European
Business School; working as a Cross Cultural Training Consultant; and now as a Global Life(style) and Career Coach enabling individuals and couples to life their best life abroad.
ExpatWomen:What motivated you to write this how-to book and what do you see as the major obstacles that prevent some women from living their best life abroad?
Jeanne: My own moments of unhappiness and of women around me pushed me to write this book. I really wished to get accompanying partners back into the driver's seat of their life and to share tools that were useful to me during my life on the move.
The major obstacle of living our best life abroad is often us. If we do not believe that we deserve the best life, we will never have it. A large number of women do not look after themselves, but concentrate instead on looking after others, assuming that somebody else will look after them. However, women are trapped if they believe that somebody else will take care of them and of their happiness. It is not the case back home, so why should it be different when you move?
ExpatWomen:Your book stresses the importance of women being clear on their vision, goals and values. Why do you think many women find it difficult to articulate these things?
Jeanne: In my opinion, it is generally difficult for women to feel that they deserve to put themselves first. We are used to putting ourselves second, third and fourth, especially those of us who have children. Living a life on the move, while being ‘only' the accompanying partner, often puts us in a more vulnerable position where we feel that we are the last ones able to express our wishes. We are busy looking after other people's happiness, so how can we be as selfish to look after our own happiness? We think that if the people around us are happy, we will be happy. Wrong.
In order to allow your family to be happy, you need to start with your own happiness and vision of how you want your life to look like, so you do not end up burnt out, angry at your family, resentful of the organization that sent you abroad and/or not enjoying the culture that you live in.
ExpatWomen:What are your top five tips for a great life on the move?
Jeanne:
1.
Have a clear vision that guides you and adapt your vision on a regular (e.g. annual) basis. Ask your partner and children (from 8 years onwards) to do the same and combine them into a family vision.
2.
Invest in your relationship with your partner – spend time together as a couple and seek help if needed.
3.
Make sure that you and your partner find a job that supports your life (and not a life that supports your job) – a job that allows you both to live your deepest values.
4.
Get local – learn the local language, join local clubs and know what the locals expect from you, the foreign national.
5.
Have fun – explore the new culture and learn new skills.
ExpatWomen: Please share with us more about your Art-of-Living-Abroad Wheel.
Jeanne: The beauty of the Art-of-Living-Abroad Wheel (based on the Wheel of Life, developed by the Coaches Training Institute) lies in its simplicity.
For example, ask yourself, on a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you with: your living environment (home, city you live in); your relationship with my Partner; your family and friendships; your health and well-being; your leisure time; your personal growth; your work; and your finances? These are powerful questions in the Art-of-Living-Abroad Wheel matrix that help you determine your current level of satisfaction in all eight life areas.
Let's take the example of Rachel, who is a 42 year old French woman who moved with her husband and four children from Paris to Buenos Aires, Argentina, about two years ago. Her husband works for an embassy in Buenos Aires. Rachel is a stay-at-home mum. Rachel had felt for a while that she was living somebody else's life instead of her own life. She was frustrated and bored which led to frequent arguments with her husband and children. I met Rachel when she was at her lowest point and introduced her to the Wheel. Looking at her whole life from a helicopter view she identified the two top life areas that she felt needed improvement, namely her relationship to her husband and her own career aspirations. She then developed a powerful new vision for all areas of her life while concentrating on improving her top two life areas. Rachel realized how making changes in those two areas changed the quality of her entire life. She spiced up her relationship and now spends an evening per week with her husband and has established a small interior decoration business that gives her joy and allows her to live her passion, while still allowing her to be primarily a stay-at-home mum in Argentina.
ExpatWomen:Finally, what are your top tips for turning a vision into reality?
Jeanne:
1.
Define your personal values, remain true to yourself and focus on your vision.
2.
Clearly communicate your needs to others and ask for help and support.
3.
Be prepared to change and adapt your vision.
4.
Define clear actions for each life area and move outside your comfort zone to make it happen and change.
5.
Prioritize – what are the two life areas you wish to focus on – and take action, and
6.
Use resources that are available – books, coaching, other expats, conferences etc.
Jeanne Heinzer is a German/Swiss national, a mother, former manager, an accompanying partner of an internationally mobile manager, and she is a Global Life(style) and Career Coach.
To learn more about Jeanne and her coaching services, please visit her Best Life Abroad website.
