"This book is fun, functional and, if you engage with the content, it's fruitful, too." O, the Oprah magazine
Expat Women's Interview with Lindy
ExpatWomen: Lindy, on a topic already much-written about, you surprised me – your book is excellent, well done. Please share with us more about the motivation behind writing Motherhood and Me.
Lindy: It is an interesting story actually, because Motherhood and Me was never planned, it was something that just happened out of a very profound experience...motherhood!
When my first born child was 11 months old, my husband accepted a job on a tiny island off the north east shore of Newfoundland Canada, called Fogo Island. It was very beautiful, but isolated and very cold with not much in the way of modern conveniences like gyms, shops, restaurants, play schools and all the other things we take for granted. There were obviously no work opportunities for me, but to be truthful I was not looking for work opportunities... I was already fully entrenched in motherhood.
Our family grew quickly and over the next three years I had two more children. Three children in three and a half years, a million miles from home and nothing vaguely familiar to me... I had no idea of the enormity of the challenge I had so readily accepted. Needless to say the cracks in my psyche started to show.
In the absence of anyone to talk to, I started to write a journal. Without me realising it I had started a conversation with my own heart and soul, which pre-empted the most profound journey of self discovery. At the end of my four years in Canada, I took the time to read back over my entire journal... what unfolded before my eyes was a very clear process I had unknowingly embarked on.
When we returned to South Africa I wrote and facilitated the Motherhood and Me workshop. This gave me the opportunity to expand what I had written with the experiences, feelings and stories of the other women I was working with. At some point, I realised I was writing a book! Seven years after writing my first journal entry on Fogo Island, it was published for the world to read in, Motherhood and Me. It has been the most unexpected and rewarding journey, for which I am deeply grateful.
ExpatWomen: I loved your very first two paragraphs:
"Motherhood takes us on a journey. We think the journey is about learning how to love, nurture and support our children, but the further along the road we travel, the more we realise that the journey is actually about learning how to love, nurture and support ourselves! This is the incredible gift of motherhood, the opportunity it gives us to grow, evolve and expand; the opportunity it gives us to see and know ourselves better.
Yet in reality, motherhood can take you to a place where you feel like you've shrunk; where you feel as if you've forgotten what's true; where you can no longer see what you're passionate about; and where you feel like you've forgotten who you are. There is a gift in this harsh reality of motherhood. You can only start looking for something once you realise it's lost. This book will take you on a journey of rediscovery in which you may find what you think you've lost." Talk us through your own journey of rediscovery.
Lindy: At some point in Canada, between the birth of my second and third child, I started to identify certain feelings. Feelings I did not want to feel, but had no control over. I remember saying to Cameron (my husband): "I feel like every day for me is overcast. I know the sun is out there, but it is just not finding it's way through to shine on me". What upset me about these feelings was that I acknowledged deep down just how blessed I was... two beautiful children, a loving husband, good health... but I was not able to feel the joy emanating from these blessings. I was not depressed, but I was terribly suppressed in my life and this would get worse before it got better. I was also battling with feelings of intense anger (which I could unleash on the kids at the smallest thing) and resentment and frustration. Other than the children, the only other person I could release these emotions on was Cameron, and for a few years our marriage suffered. I also hated the fact that, emotionally, I was so attached to my external world. Let me explain; if it was snowing I was not happy, if the sun was shining I felt better; if the kids were happy I was happy, but when they lost it, so did I; and I had nothing to support Cameron if he was having a bad day, I would simply collapse even lower than him. I did not want to feel this way, I wanted things to be different and I wanted to feel differently about my life, myself, my family.
In brief, the journey/transition had to happen across four areas of my life, physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual. Each area required a shift from me, but once achieved, revealed many gems and pearls of wisdom. To summarise, the physical shift brought about a new sense of balance; the emotional shift taught me how to release negative emotions in a positive non-detrimental way so that I felt more free and light; the psychological shift allowed me to re-build my self esteem in a lasting and strong way and gave me the strength and courage to change old negative behavioural and thought patterns that were holding me back; and the spiritual shift allowed me let go of all fear so that the world and life became exciting and everything became possible.
ExpatWomen: Do you see parallels between the motherhood that you described in your quote above, and expatriation?
Lindy: Yes, definitely! I have always said that if I had never gone to Canada, I would have been vaguely miserable in motherhood and my life for a lot longer. Taking yourself away from what you know, from your culture and support structure and starting a family is a little like putting the experience into a pressure cooker. It intensifies everything... but the great gift in that is that you have to learn to swim fast!
ExpatWomen: Can you share with us your five steps of releasing built-up anger, resentment and negativity?
Lindy:
1.
Accept and acknowledge that those feelings are there. Do not try and hide from them but rather give them the right to exist. Ignoring them only makes them stronger.
2. Stop blaming others for the way you feel. Through journaling or therapy, start to develop an understanding of where the feelings are coming from. Very often they are coming from a place you did not expect.
3. The previous stage will probably highlight to you some behavioural and thought patterns that need to change. Start to observe yourself so that when you see yourself going down an old and dangerous road, have the courage to stop yourself and chose a new behaviour or thought. This is incredibly powerful and when you are able to do this, your life really does change.
4. Find positive and expressive ways of releasing the negative emotions. I have done this through yoga, art, dancing, talking, writing, meditating, praying, breathing and mantras. Find what works for you.
5. The release creates space for you to replace the negative emotions with new feelings like love, gratitude, peace and faith. Enjoy them!
ExpatWomen: Thank you very much for your time Lindy. We wish you all the very best with the ongoing promotion of your book and success of your workshops.
