Third Culture Kids
David C. Pollock, Ruth E. Van Reken
Expat Women's Interview with Ruth
ExpatWomen: Ruth, you and David Pollock first published your legendary book, Third Culture Kids, in 1999. It has been acclaimed as "the first and only book to fully examine the legacy of transition and change shared by those who have grown up globally". Can you tell us where the term "Third Culture Kids" (TCKs) came from and what it means exactly?
Ruth: In the mid-1950's, researchers from Michigan State University, Drs. John and Ruth Hill Useem, went to India to study how two cultures would interact in those emerging days of international business. While there, they became more fascinated with the expatriate community itself than the topic they had come to study. They discovered that despite the differences in "sectors" – the sponsorship behind the expats' overseas assignments – there was a distinct subculture in which these expats lived. The Useems realized those living in this expat lifestyle were not living as they would have in their home, or first, culture. Neither were they living the lifestyle of those in their host, or second, culture. Instead, they had developed an "interstitial" or third culture – one being lived out between the other two. They called the children growing up in this way third culture kids. Ruth Useem defined them simply as "children who accompany their parents into another culture."
The term finally moved from the journals of academia to a more popular use in the late 1970's, early 1980's when David Pollock used this term to build his classic TCK Profile after working with many young people who had grown up in the international scene. He defined a TCK as "... a person who has spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside the parents' culture(s). Although elements from each culture are assimilated into the TCK's life experience, the sense of belonging is in relationship to others of similar background. " And, of course, an Adult Third Culture Kid (ATCK) is an adult who was raised as a TCK. That happens to be what I am!
ExpatWomen: What would be some key attributes of TCKs?
Ruth: Obviously, the TCK Profile is a general description and each TCK has his or her particular story but there definitely are common characteristics for this group. When I ask TCKs and ATCKs what they like best about their experience, they express in different ways how much they have enjoyed growing up in a world filled with people of different backgrounds, in situations where they not only physically see much of the world, but also learn how people think and do things in lots of places. From this richness of multiplied cultures, they often can serve as bridges between different cultural groups, speak more than one language fluently, have friends in many places, (which can save a lot on hotel costs when they travel!). Hopefully they have learned to enjoy food of many lands as well!
ExpatWomen: What would be some of the greatest challenges that TCKs face and why?
Ruth: The challenges are really just the flip side of the attributes or benefits. Because they have a sense of connection to several cultures and may defend the "other one" at points, some may see them as unpatriotic. Other times, when they talk of where they've been and lived, others see them as arrogant. After all the adventures of mobility, they can feel rootless and restless and move before they fully meet their educational or career goals.
Another "flip side" is that TCKs may know how to function extremely well in the various cultures in which they were raised, but not be as comfortable in their own because they did not grow up learning the cultural nuances or norms of their passport culture.
Often TCKs and ATCKs may refuse to let others get close to them because they assume all relationships will soon end so why invest? This can be a real challenge as adults when they consciously want to be in a close relationship or marriage but unknowingly push the partner away to keep this inner place protected.
The major challenges I see, over and over, however, are questions of identity and unresolved grief:
The identity issues focus on questions such as "Where do I fit? Where do I belong? Which of the many cultures I've grown up in are truly ‘mine'? Because of this, often the questions "Where are you from?" or "Where is home?" are virtually impossible to answer. Of course, many have a "convenient answer" like the place they are now living, but in the end, many TCKs and ATCKs define their sense of belonging or home in terms of relationships rather than geography.
But the challenge that I see keeping some ATCKs from fully using the great gifts their life has offered them is the issue of unresolved grief. There are several key reasons for this.
First it the cycle of mobility itself that is inherent in this lifestyle. Although every person in this world suffers loss, the high mobility of the third culture experience increases the number of times significant loss happens. But beyond the obvious losses mobility brings, TCKs have many other unrecognized or hidden losses as well. They can lose an entire world with the closing of an airplane door but because the country isn't "theirs", too often no one seems to understand or honor all that is entailed with that loss.
Other times, TCKs do recognize their losses and try to tell their parents or others how sad they are feeling but people tell them they "shouldn't" feel like that because they have such an interesting life. Or they may remind the TCK of the greater purposes for which they are in this place...God, country, or to make enough money to put the TCK through college. At that point, the permission to grieve openly is gone and the child has no way to process it. Oddly, it seems the very richness and benefits of this life create many of these responses which then take away the permission to grieve because we (or others_ believe the grief is a sign of ingratitude for all we have received. In fact, the opposite is true...we are grieving because we have lost what we loved! It is an affirmation of our lives, not a negation
In addition, another reason many TCKs can't work through their various losses is simply that well-meaning people (including parents!) often try to encourage TCKs before they comfort them. There is a proper place for encouragement ("you'll do fine" "just think about others who have so much less," etc) but when it happens too soon, it can also abort the grieving process. Comfort is simply acknowledging the loss, validating its reality, and giving the person space to grieve properly before pushing him or her to move on or past it.
ExpatWomen: Are there groups or organisations that TCKs can turn to, when they're looking for help, guidance or advice that is specific to TCKs?
Ruth: Many international schools are having reunions for students of all ages. ATCKs get a lot of support there and touching past relationships can be very powerful in and of itself. Often schools also operate websites for their alumni.
Global Nomads Int. is another potential for connection. Their website is for those who would like to see what might be available. Some universities have Mu Kappa groups on campus, mostly aimed at those with mission kid's experience. Their website is . Foreign service youth from the US can check out . US military kids can check out . Of course, I hope all will come to our next Families in Global Transition conference in March, 2008. It is a great place to meet others of like mind and experience. See for details.
Apart from these groups, mainly the group support I know about in addition to the above for TCKs/CCKs of all backgrounds comes through the internet and blog sites.
ExpatWomen: What would be your parting advice to Third Culture Kids?
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Ruth: Enjoy the journey! It is a powerful and rich one when you begin to recognize that much of what you take for granted about being you is really a special gift you have received from your TCK experiences. Where possible, build on those beginnings of language learning, cultural adaptation, large world view, etc. When you apply for jobs, list the fact that you have lived in various places on your application form. In today's globalizing world, that is often considered a strong asset.
At the same time, some of you are also facing real challenges of trying to sort out "Who Am I, anyway?" You may still deeply miss the countries of your upbringing. You may feel no one will every understand you. Don't forget that the more you understand of your story, the more you can work with these and other challenges to not only sort through them but to grow from them. Chapter 11 and 18 of our TCK book can hopefully help you identify and then make a plan to deal positively with some of the challenges.
And don't forget: Being a TCK/ATCK is one of the great experiences of your life, but in the end, you are more than just that label. In every place and stage of life, you can risk moving ahead and exploring the next phase you are in for you can never lose all you have gained from your TCK life. And for additional perspective on this, please go online and read Barbara Schaetti's article on cultural identity for ATCKs called Phoenix Rising.
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Our "tribe" is large across the world. May you dance with joy in all the places your ongoing journey will take you.
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ExpatWomen: What would be your parting advice to parents of Third Culture Kids?
Ruth: Don't forget above all else, TCKs are kids. That means that first they need all the normal things that go with good parenting: a lot of love and nurture, boundaries which make it safe to take risks, space to grow and develop their particular gifts and personality style, strong family ties. Research shows clearly that TCKs who have a these things generally go on as adults to use the gifts of this experience in solid, productive, positive ways.
Don't be afraid when you read about the challenges! Realize that potentially you have and are giving one of the best gifts you ever could if you want them to function with basic ease in this rapidly changing world. There are many strengths and joys that will come from this experience for your kids as they grow and flourish.
Don't ignore the challenges, either! All the benefits don't negate the real challenges they face when asked to move and uproot. The degree of most of the challenges can be greatly lessened and even become a benefit with a good understanding and awareness of what are common issues and how can they be effectively dealt with. One key thing for every parent to understand is what is normal transition and how to build the RAFT Dave Pollock designed (see chapter 13 of our book) to make it safely through. Obviously there are situations many face in today's world where unexpected transitions come, but even in those there are many positives that can be done retrospectively to help every member of the family.
In addition to these thoughts, reading the TCK book to understand the common characteristics of your children, finding additional tips in the later chapters for specific plans you can make to maximize the potentials of this experience for your children, Robin Pascoe has recently written a book specifically for parents called Raising Global Nomads. (info available at ) that expands on all these issues in a great way.
Thanks for asking me to reflect here. I've enjoyed this visit with you and you can always write me at if you would like to chat more.
ExpatWomen: Thank you very much Ruth. We wish you all the very best in your ongoing advocacy for Third Culture Kids.
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