Our Family's Journey to Croatia in Search of Who We Are, Where We Came From,
and What Really Matters
Jennifer Wilson
In October 2008, Jennifer Wilson and her husband Jim decided to stop making excuses and to take the plunge to live abroad. Having lost half of their life's savings in the U.S. stock market crash, the timing seemed right to escape middle-class, Midwestern life for a while – in search of their “updated American dream”.
In July 2009, Jennifer, Jim and their children (aged 7 and 4) arrived in the ancient mountain village of Mrkopalj, Croatia to start over in the area where Jennifer's great-grandparents had immigrated from 100 years ago. They milked the neighbor's cattle, ate sheep on a spit, tried to track down the local moonshine recipe – and found something much greater than themselves.
We talked to Jennifer about her newly-released book, which shares the tale of this family's sabbatical abroad.
Expat Women's Interview with Jennifer
Expat Women: Jennifer, why Mrkopalj in Croatia?
Jennifer: My great-grandparents had immigrated from Mrkopalj to America about 100 years ago. The America as we knew it was changing so radically; we were mired in war in the Middle East, the economy was crashing, friends were losing jobs, and we felt like we were rushing around in this hyper version of the American Dream. Jim and I wanted to go back to the beginning to experience the old version of the American Dream up close – to arrive in an unknown place, to start over with our family. It was a reverse immigration of sorts, back to the beginning, to reconnect with the old ways, and with each other.
Expat Women: How did your son and daughter react when you told them of your plans? And how did they transition into life in Croatia?
Jennifer: Sam, my oldest, just said no. He simply refused to go. So I did what any good parent would do: I bribed him. In exchange for selling all his toys and going overseas, he got a Nintendo DSi. I think he would still agree it was a decent deal. My daughter, Zadie, was only four. When she heard that she would get to spend all day every day with her mom and dad instead of in child care, she was all for it. She never looked back.
Expat Women: What did your family do to prepare for your time-out abroad?
Jennifer: We reduced our earthly belongings by about 75 percent in a name-your-own-price garage sale. What you do not sell, you pay to store, so we decided to offload as much as possible. We rented our house, rather than selling, so we would at least have a home to return to, which was nice. We read Elisa Bernick's excellent The Family Sabbatical Handbook and we did as much research as possible. I also traveled solo to Mrkopalj on a pre-expatriation scouting trip. We all looked at the maps together and practiced the language – however,
we remembered almost none of it until we were there practicing daily with locals.
Expat Women:
What tips would you give to women wanting to follow in your
family's brave footsteps?
Jennifer:
1.
Take a scouting trip. Just as my great-grandfather before me, I took a short trip to our potential destination. I found Mrkopalj to be patriarchal and intimidating on the surface, having met my first residents in the murk of the local bar when the tourism guy was too drunk to help me out. But I had met just enough women to know that it would be safe to return. They, and my future landlord Robert, gave me enough confidence and contacts to make it happen.
2.
Be flexible of mind. From the moment we arrived in Croatia, I learned the hard way to accept situations as they were, rather than how I thought they would be. Our rooms were not ready, leaving us no place to stay when we arrived, jet-lagged and weary, on that first night. But after a few major panic attacks, Jim reminded me: we are together, we are safe, and we will be fine. And we were.
3.
Accept discomfort. Life in the village was never comfortable as I had
known comfort in the United States. My kids ran feral in an open meadow where we worried that the local mountain viper would show up again. Jim was the only adult I could talk to for the first few months. Our bed sucked, so I rarely slept well. We were living in a one-room dorm. All the food was weird. But you know what? Once I just gave in – went limp, really in the face of discomfort, I stopped feeling it so much. And then I started meeting people.
4.
Bring your own comfort along. Though we packed sparsely for the sabbatical, each of us took along a few comfort items. Jim and I took books and I also took my favorite quilt. Zadie took her Lambie and a princess costume. Sam took his DSi… and a giant bag of Lego.
5.
Enjoy saying nothing. Even when I could speak passable Croatian, I could rarely keep up with conversations. But when I focused my energy on listening rather than talking, I learned a ton more. When Mrkopalj people spoke, they told us the stories of their lives, and we could not interrupt, because we were essentially mute. I write in my book about how beautiful, tragic and amazing those stories were, and I would probably never had heard them if I was busy trying to keep up my end of the conversation.
6.
Do as the locals do. In Eastern Europe, alcohol is a big part of daily life. It just is. As the daughter of an alcoholic, I had a hard time with the bar culture in Croatia. Why were the women not out at night? Why did guys drink all day? I was baffled, kind of indignant, and, well, nobody really liked me. Not even me. Jim, on the other hand, toasted anyone who offered. You can say that is because Jim likes to have a few drinks, and you would be right. But he also refused to judge – so the locals loved him. Finally, when I conceded and shared a morning rakija with the female neighbors, they and I really started to enjoy each other's company. I learned that it was not about drinking. It was about hospitality and sharing – the local way.
Expat Women: So, the big question, Jennifer… Did you and your family find what you were looking for in Croatia?
Jennifer:
We found what we already knew: that we only needed each other, and a little bit to live on. We were not any different when we drove one car instead of two. We did not miss mountains of toys or all four of our grills (!). We connected to each other in the way that Jim and I had always intended for our family. Everything beyond that is extra.
Since then, we have done well at keeping our lives pared down – no more marathon trips to the local superstore. That has made more room in our budget for future travels, and insulation against economic instability.
More than anything, extended travel in Croatia gave us perspective – when you have got it good, be grateful. When you don't, buck up. You can call that values… or just the best souvenir we have ever brought home with us.
Expat Women: Jennifer, we commend your family¹s courage, thank you for
your insights, and wish you all the very best with your new book!
