Nora Kohri
Overseas Birth And Childcare Consultant And Founder Of Care The World
Nora Kohri is experienced at expat life. Born in Japan, she spent her childhood in the United States, Japan and Canada – attending the University of Toronto, majoring in Sociology and Urban Studies. Her work brought her back to Tokyo, where she was a mental health counselor to the foreign community for five years. Nora then moved to Singapore and worked as a medical interpreter in hospitals and clinics, specializing in obstetrics, gynecology and pediatrics. Around the same time, she also began research on overseas birth and childrearing practices, and founded Care the World in 1988.
Nora returned to Japan six years later to work as an overseas birth and childcare consultant – giving lectures, leading seminars and workshops, interviewing and writing articles for the Japanese community. She is a strong advocate for repatriating Japanese children who were raised overseas, and she also visits hospitals abroad to talk with medical professionals and to understand the ongoing needs of expat Japanese communities.
Nora completed her Masters of Science in Social Work from Columbia University in 2004, with concentrations in health, mental health and disabilities. She has written six books covering childbirth, parenting, relationships, bilingualism and living abroad. In addition to her counselling and consultancy projects, Nora currently works at Cerebral Palsy of Westchester as a program coordinator in the day habilitation program.
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Expat Women's Interview With Nora |
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| Expat Women: Nora, how have your experiences abroad influenced where you are at today and the work that you do for Care The World? |
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Nora: Perhaps I would not have taken on this work if I had never lived abroad. First of all, as I was raised in a foreign country, I understand well the issues TCKs go through, both abroad and after they return home. Secondly, giving birth to my daughter abroad has helped me relate to so many expat women who are planning to have children abroad.
Thirdly, the fact that I have moved nearly every three years speaks for itself when it comes to understanding women and children who are uprooted every so often. Every experience is meant to happen to build needed character so that you are equipped to continue on in life, and that is why I say that all of my experiences led me to where I am today.
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Expat Women: What kind of resources and services are currently available through Care the World to expat women and families? |
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Nora: The website, Care the World, is full of information. I have covered close to 100 countries on the topic of birth and childcare practices. There is also information about pediatric medicine around the world, issues that TCKs face after returning home, raising children in the U.S. and more.
As a consultant, I give information and/or advice to mothers regarding the country her family is relocating to. This includes information related to pregnancy, birth, and post-birth matters; what to anticipate if a child is born overseas; how to choose the best preschool; how to raise children bilingually; repatriation; moving abroad with children with disabilities; cultural differences in raising children; and so on.
As a counselor, I offer advice and support for problems such as transition difficulties; marriage difficulties; intercultural marriages; verbal abuse and domestic violence; relationships with live-in-helpers; children with disabilities; identity crises; death of a child while abroad; unplanned pregnancy in a foreign country; depression; anxiety; loneliness; and more.
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Expat Women: How has Care the World changed and developed over time to meet the needs of expat women and families or are the issues of twenty years ago the same issues expatriate women face today?
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Nora: Twenty years ago, the families requested general information, such as names of hospitals for foreigners, stores that sell Japanese food, names of international schools and the like. Today, much of this information is available through the internet, so when they contact me, they want more specific information such as, "do you recommend any Doulas in Orange County, LA?" or "do you know any Japanese speech therapists in Boston?"
Even with the advancement of the technology, women still face similar issues as they did twenty years ago. In the first couple of months in a foreign country, they still face loneliness, culture shock and struggle with adjustment. Women can find peer support through blogs, but when it comes to special cases, they look for professional opinions. So in special or very complicated, rare cases, they tend to approach me. For example, I am now working with a mother raising triplets. Out of the three, two are disabled, and she is really struggling to find support.
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Expat Women: In your experience, what are some of the most common issues or challenges expatriate women face abroad during pregnancy, childbirth and early motherhood? |
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Nora: For Japanese, it is the language. It is rare to find an obstetrician abroad who speaks Japanese, so communication becomes an issue throughout the course of pregnancy, birth and post-birth. Another element is that the birth practice in Japan is different from the rest of the world, so different birth practices can be a challenge for women living abroad.
Another struggle for many Japanese women is finding the right doctor who will support their desire for a natural birth, as this is practiced commonly in Japan. However, sometimes I need to explain that in a particular country, certain things are necessary for her as well as the baby. If they cannot understand the reason behind every recommendation, they may become resentful towards the obstetrician or begin to lose trust in them, which leads to a possible negative outcome of the birth experience in that country. |
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Expat Women: Finally Nora, what are your top five tips for women living abroad who either have children or plan to have children? |
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Nora: |
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Accept your own unique birth experience abroad. It is okay to gather information, but not to rely on it 100 percent. Every birth experience is different and a lot will be determined by the attitude you have. Some people have a specific idea about giving birth in a foreign country, but sometimes it may not turn out the way they planned and they turn their birth experience into something awful to talk about when they return home. It does not have to be that way. With a positive attitude, good can be found in every experience and it is a matter of whether you want to find it or not. So go with the flow and accept everything as it was meant to happen. If it was a learning experience, then pass it on to expectant expat moms. You need to share, both good and bad. |
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Do not blame the host country when things do not turn out the way you planned. When something goes wrong, it is better not to blame the country you gave birth in, unless an obvious mistake can be identified. It might have happened even if you had given birth in your own country. Some women dwell on "well if this was Japan, this would not have happened," but there is no point focusing on the "ifs". Many women grieve over the fact they had to have a Caesarean. I tell them, "be blessed that a healthy child was born." |
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Do your part, do research, and study. Study the language of the host country. You need to make that extra effort to gather information on the birth practices of the host country, so you understand why it is the way it is. Get an explanation from the doctor, and ask the locals for advice. You definitely need to know some medical words related to pregnancy and birth, such as how to say you have pain or how to say you are in labor. |
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Build a network. Look for friends both from your country and among locals. You need friends to support you emotionally and physically: friends from your country will give you advice from their perspective, and the locals will give you tips on what they have been practicing for centuries regarding birth and raising children. Networking will help you in many ways, such as providing information like what kind of diapers are best and where to buy them, where to get items you need for the new baby, pediatrician recommends, good babysitters and so on.
Having friends is also important because if you have older children, you may need someone to look after them while you are at the hospital recovering, and after you return home. There is nearly always help available, but you need to make that effort to reach out. Also, after childbirth, it is your turn to use your experience to reach out and help other pregnant women in need. |
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It is a unique experience, so cherish it. It may not be easy to have a baby in a foreign country, but it can be rewarding. That baby will be special simply because of his or her distinct birthplace. It becomes a part of their identity. Parents should be proud that they made it through the challenge successfully. Some Japanese parents name their children after the country the child was born in, for example, they include a Chinese character in the name that represents that country. That is one example of embracing the whole birth experience abroad! |
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Expat Women: Nora, thank you very much for sharing your wisdom with us about childbirth and childrearing abroad. We applaud your dedication to helping expatriate families abroad and wish Care The World all the very best! |
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