Embracing the Pain and Power of Change
Nona Jordan
Living overseas can be a constant barrage of new and exciting experiences. The women that I know that live overseas are incredibly competent and self-reliant. However, even the most savvy and confident of women can get thrown off balance during the unexpected changes that life throws their way.
Often super-confident women are completely unaware that something has upset the balance in their lives until other signs indicate there is trouble. Often, this shows up as our body and/or emotions giving us messages that something is off-kilter and needs to be addressed.
Body Signals
Some of the signals our body gives us that we may need some extra help are:
| • Irritable and edgy with loved ones. |
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| • Sleeping more or less than usual. |
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| • A change in eating habits. |
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| • Increased alcohol consumption, and/or |
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| • Physical "aches" (such as headaches, backaches and stomachaches). |
When experiencing symptoms like these, it negatively impacts our ability to relax and enjoy the incredible adventure of living overseas. However, if we are willing to embrace change and work through it, on the other side we will find an increased capacity for happiness and joy, along with peace, and renewed passion for our lives.
6 Steps Through The Pain
The process that I use with clients who are in the throes of a major life change focusses on staying connected to your body and taking small, actionable steps to move through the pain. Here are my suggested six steps to work through the pain:
1. Start Where You Are. Simply acknowledging that what you are going through is difficult is the first step toward freedom. It may sound trite, but often we resist acknowledging that anything is wrong, and believe we need to be superwomen. Draw on your community to find a safe place to talk about what is happening for you.
2. Grief. Deep change means grief. Many of us avoid grief like we would avoid the plague, but honestly, the only way out of it is through it. Make "crying dates" with yourself, if you need to. Spend an afternoon watching an emotional movie, or just spend 10 minutes of your day crying, if it helps you get the grief out. Get the grief out however you can.
3. Radical Self-Care. With compassion and kindness, assess how you are taking care of yourself. Change what needs to be changed. Eat whole, nutritious foods, exercise gently – in ways that feel nurturing for your body, and/or practice some form of meditation – be it Yoga or Thai Chi or guided relaxation. Breathe deeply and frequently throughout each day.
4. Acceptance. Once you have grieved and are solidly grounded in taking care of your body, take a look at your thoughts about your life and the changes that have rocked your life. Notice any should's/can'ts/shouldn'ts in your language. Begin to (kindly) question those thoughts. "This shouldn't have happened." Really? Do you know that for sure? Is there any benefit to what has happened? "I can't go out and meet new people." Why not? What stops you? Or would it be more accurate to say, "I'm not ready to meet new people. Maybe next month I will be." Play with this. A good resource is The Work of Byron Katie. By diligently questioning the thoughts that cause pain, we free ourselves from suffering. What we realize is that believing our thoughts is a choice.
5. Set A New Course. Possibilities are endless at this stage, as you recognize your own power to choose how you want to feel and live! By tuning into, and taking care of your body, you now have an ally in discovering who, what, and how you want to be in the world. Test it out. Call to mind something that you cannot stand doing. Note the sensations in your body: the tightness, the constriction and where it is located. Call this your "-10 experience". Shake it off, and now call to mind a peak time in your life and note those sensations in your body: lightness, expansion, springy, maybe? Call this your "+10 experience". Everything that you do, rate it on your scale and lean towards the experiences on the positive side of the scale. Do this for everything and be amazed at your own wisdom.
6. Happiness Check. As you move forward in your life, set aside time in your day to appreciate everything that makes you insanely happy. A simple list of five things a day (more is even better) will help to keep your energy focused on all the gifts in your life. Happiness is available to us in each and every moment. By writing down your gratitude each day, and what motivates you to feel gratitude, you are choosing joy over sadness and you are rising above your pain.
Self-Discovery
Moving through difficult transitions, women often find that changes end up being a catalyst for incredible self-discovery. Becoming a richer version of ourselves, finding a deeper sense of happiness, and a more authentic connection to our lives are some of the benefits of doing this work. Only by embracing and working through the pain can we fully realize the powerful gifts of change.
© Nona Jordan. All Rights Reserved. Supplied to ExpatWomen.com by Nona and printed with permission.
Nona Jordan is the founder of Insight Health Coaching and Nona Jordan Business & Life Design. She is an internationally-known expert for home-based entrepreneurs and yoga practitioners seeking a holistic and positive approach to creating a life they love. Nona inspires and motivates with her trademark focus on holistic, supportive solutions, her down-to-earth approach, and motivating coaching style. Nona believes that awareness is the key to being at your best in business and in life. As a CPA, yoga instructor, and life coach – she is passionate about helping others experience happiness and success in all areas of their life. You can find her business development consulting and coaching at http://nonajordan.com/.
May 2010
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