Expat Women: Motivational

Reinventing Yourself

The average person reinvents themselves all the time. It is both natural and necessary in life and business for continued growth and extraordinary results. Every time we make a new decision or choose a different path, we reinvent ourselves. Sometimes we do this proactively, other times reinvention is thrust upon us.

As expats we are forced to reinvent almost every aspect of our lives when we choose to pick up, pack up and pluck ourselves down in another country. We have to negotiate a new country, a new culture, a new house, start new jobs (or life without a job), enrol our children in new schools and so on. The typical expat reinvention can go on for months (if not years) as we search for new doctors, health specialists, hairdressers, beauty salons, massage therapists and other support services that restore our networks that we enjoyed back home.

If we cook we even have to reinvent the recipes that we made every day back home because we have not found (or yet figured out what they are called) the ingredients that at home we took for granted. My first international move was from the United States to New Zealand and it took me six months to figure out that capsicum was actually green pepper and that coriander was what I knew as cilantro. And do not get me started on how long it took me to discover that bed linen was referred to as Manchester!

While this time can be stressful, it can also be extremely liberating and exciting. Here are five steps to reinventing yourself - after an international move or just in everyday life - so that you stay excited about this process, instead of becoming exasperated.


Step 1: Create Your New Identity

Any reinvention starts by establishing a new identity: a compelling future if you will.  Psychological research tells us that it is not enough to run away from something to create change. That may kick start us into action, but sustainable change is only achieved by moving towards something that gets you excited! You need something that keeps you moving and keeps you making those daily decisions to change the course of your life.

So think about this new identity: who are you going to become? This might be as simple as 'I am one dress size thinner', if you are reinventing your weight or your health, or it might be as complex as 'I am outgoing and meet people in my new location easily' - if you are reinventing yourself as someone who settles easily into a new community or culture.

What characteristics does the new you have? What does she do, think and feel? One of my own reinventions was to lose 22 kilos (50 lbs) and to keep it off for five years and counting. I literally visualised myself as thin every single day. I walked differently, I moved differently, I thought differently! And I got excited about eating right and exercising each day because I knew that that was who I really was and those behaviours supported that new identity.

But what if you do not know how to create a new identity? That's easy! Become an actor and model someone you know or admire who embodies the characteristics of whom you want to become. It can actually be quite fun!

Once you decide on a new identity, how do you actually create her? I like to use a concept from the burgeoning field of Human Needs Psychology called the 'Three Pillars of Sustainable Change'. These Pillars are the difference to making long-lasting, sustainable change in your life (like losing 22 kilos and keeping it off) as opposed to those short-lived decisions that inevitably end up in returning to old behaviours or patterns (like gaining and losing the same 10 kilos over and over again).


Step 2: Focus

The first of these Pillars is Focus. What are you focusing on day to day? Is it compelling, specific and within your control?  Or are you fixated on fears and uncertainty? You will only move forward when you are focused on things you can control. Instead of thinking about the bad economy, focus on how many resumes you have sent out or phone calls you have made to set up appointments. Your focus needs to be specific as well. It helps to set goals for yourself. Finally, your focus needs to be compelling. It needs to excite you to keep you in action doing the things you know you need to do (even if you do not want to).


Step 3: Strategies

The second Pillar is Strategies. We have all been successful at something in life, right? Some of us are great at our jobs, others are great at sport and/or some are great at cooking. But everyone has been successful at something.

It turns out that you can actually use these strategies cross-contextually. So figure out what helps you to be successful in the thing or things you are good at and what is not helpful. Then do what works and do not do what does not. Sound simple? It actually is.

I left Auckland for Sydney in May 2008 with the intention of moving to a bigger market with better weather. But by the time I travelled for five months en route, the global financial crisis hit and my best-laid plans to work in recruitment (easy money during good times) part-time whilst building this business were dashed by the GFC. I had to reinvent myself quickly into a coach. So I sat down and made a list of the strategies that I used to build my recruitment business (I had built five of them across as many markets) and figured out how to apply those strategies to becoming a coach. I also looked at the other areas of my life where I had been successful (particularly weight loss and studying my degree) and adopted those strategies as well (remember they are cross-contextual). Finally, I had to figure out what did not work for me or what worked for me in those areas but would not work for me in building my coaching business. Then I had to train myself to adopt the winning strategies in my new business and to lose the... well... losing ones.


Step 4: Resolve Inner Conflicts

The third Pillar is a bit tricky, admittedly. It is the Pillar that stops a lot of us from succeeding, but it really does not have to be that difficult if you get clear on what you really, really want. The third Pillar is to Resolve Inner Conflicts. You know, when you are in two minds about something? That is an inner conflict. Part of you feels worthy but another part is sabotaging your success. 

I left a perfectly good marriage after resolving my inner conflicts and I have never been happier. I say it was perfectly good, but the truth is I was content - I was not happy and I was not fulfilled - and neither was my husband, who was then and remains one of my closest friends. It was only after realising that by staying together we were actually keeping each other from meeting our soul mates that I gathered the strength to separate. And arguably it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. He is incredibly happy with his girlfriend of over two years and I am having a great time learning to date at 48!

How do you resolve your inner conflicts? The easiest way is to get really clear on what you want and to recognise that those seemingly disparate parts of you actually want the same thing for you. Recognise your higher purpose and conflicts just disappear.


Step 5: Manage Your Psychology

The final step in the reinvention process is to manage your psychology.  There is a famous quote from Mary Kay Ash of Mary Kay Cosmetics: "If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you're right!" No truer words were ever spoken. You must believe that you will succeed. And in order to believe, you must manage your psychology.

The most important step in managing your psychology, believe it or not, is managing your physiology. What are you eating and drinking? How are you standing and breathing? If you want to change your attitude change your altitude: stand up, sit down, or just move!

Other great tips for managing your psychology are to:

Kim Seeling Smith is a Reinvention Guru having reinvented herself multiple times professionally and personally. She now helps others reinvent their careers, lives and/or businesses. She is a Certified Master NeuroStrategist, NLP Practitioner and Hypnotherapist and a Trained Strategic Interventionist. http://www.Reinvention-Guru.com March 2010