Life is all about choice; the choice to work or not work; the choice to get married or stay single; and the choice of whether to stay home, expatriate or repatriate. But how many people really take the time to make these choices consciously?
As a woman living abroad, you have made a choice. If you went overseas for work or as a lifestyle choice, you made a choice. If you followed your partner abroad, you also made a choice.
How you choose to live your life throws up some interesting questions. Do you spend your time doing what you love? Do you take time to explore your surroundings? Do you take time to think, reflect and make deliberate decisions? Do you use time as an excuse for doing some things and not doing others?
The Concept of Time
All of those questions have a time element to them. Whether you think you have too much time as you wonder what to do all day in a foreign country with your partner out at work; or too little time as you take on a new job, new group of colleagues and try to get your head around local customs and culture – time ticks by.
There is a great quote by Michael Altsuler – "The bad news is time flies; the good news is you’re the pilot." As the pilot of your time, what you can do is make conscious deliberate choices about time, based on the reality of your situation and what is right for you. Here are three strategies to help you take control of your time...
Time Strategy 1: Take Control of You
Taking control of your time starts with taking control of you. So how can you do this?
A good place to start is your mindset. Make the shift from a mindset of, "I am not responsible and have no choice", to one of, "I am responsible and I do have a choice". Choose how you respond to everything – time included. Twenty-four hours will always just be twenty-four hours whether you like it or not, so decide to use each minute and hour wisely, based on what is really important to you.
If you control how you think about living abroad – deciding to view your experience as exciting and positive – then your experience will likely be positive. If you decide to see everything as stressful and negative, then your experience will likely be negative. Take more control of how you think about your expat experience and you will usually feel better about your situation and be better able to take control of your time.
Let’s take an example...
Imagine you are a project manager for a construction firm and your husband is an investment banker. You both enjoy your careers and have chosen to move to Dubai for career opportunity and lifestyle reasons. You have three children of primary school age and you feel that you want them to experience a different culture and way of life from an early age. Now imagine you have made the move but concerns starts to emerge: How will we manage day-to-day childcare issues? What if one of the children gets sick? How will we get the boys to soccer practice? What happens at the end of the school day when we are both still at work?
You can choose to be overwhelmed by it or to think positively about it. By taking control of your thoughts and choosing a mindset of possibility, you put yourself in a much better place to come up with solutions to make things work. For example, maybe the bank has a working from home policy? Maybe there are colleagues at work whose children play soccer and we can share soccer duties? Perhaps there are opportunities for flexi-time? Thinking positively, you decide that as soon as you arrive, you will ask your neighbors about good after-school clubs and childcare facilities.
By taking control of your thoughts, you can more effectively take control of your time.
Time Strategy 2: Focus on What You Want
After the initial excitement about living abroad wears off, many expat women become overwhelmed with negative thoughts. They start to focus on their frustrations, the loss of their support networks back home, and their possible sense of loneliness. This can lead to unhappiness, poor relationships and a longing for "home".
But there is another way... And that is to focus on what will make you happy, included, part of a community, and help you to feel like you have your own life in your new environment. Be proactive and decide: How would you like to spend your days? What kind of people would you like to be around? What time do you need with your partner to still feel part of their new life too?
Then try the flip technique. For example: I do not want to stay in the house every day because I feel isolated and alone. I am going to make an effort to meet interesting women who would like to go to the theatre and eat in nice restaurants with me. Or: I cannot speak the language and do not feel confident going to the shops. So, I am going to attend language tutoring and have conversations with taxi drivers, shop assistants and waiters to help boost my confidence.
Again the key starting point is your mindset. Spending time worrying about what you do not want or do not have is poorly invested time. Invest that time in defining the specific results you want and go make those results happen.
"Sometimes the situation is only a problem because it is looked at in a certain way. Looked at in another way, the right course of action may be so obvious that the problem no longer exists" – Edward de Bono
Time Strategy 3: Eliminate Your Time Stealers
There are many things you can do during each twenty-four hours and yet, why is it that we get so distracted by unimportant "stuff" that at the time seems urgent?
Questions I often hear include: How do I avoid being interrupted or distracted? How can I manage my emails when they just keep coming? Why do I seem to spend my time in so many pointless meetings?
I would say to you that those are all excuses to not deal with your particular "time stealers". If you let someone interrupt you, or trivia distract you when you are trying to focus, then that is your choice. If you react to every ping of your email – then again, that is your choice. If you spend time in too many meetings – that is also your choice.
Now, shouting at the person who interrupts you is understandably not conducive to good relationships. So I am not suggesting that. Instead what could you do? You could say, "I am really trying to get this report done and it will take me another hour. Can you come back then and I would be glad to talk to you?" Or, you could put a note on your door or on top of your computer (I used to do this) to say, "Please do not disturb me until "X" o’clock. I am in the middle of something that requires my concentration. Thank you." Or, you could ask, "How long do you need? I can only spare five minutes now, but I would be happy to schedule more time for you later?"
Time stealers are the thieves that rob you of something precious to you – do not let them. Accept responsibility for who and what influences how you spend your time. By you changing your habits you will help others change theirs too.
Taking control of your time is a habit, which if done well consistently can dramatically change what you can get done and how you feel about it. So take control of your time and you take control of your life.
Beverley Hamilton is the founder of One Step Further. She is a speaker, mentor and facilitator who works with small business owners (to help them step up to become inspirational entrepreneurs so that they achieve the business, financial and lifestyle success they dream of and deserve) and aspiring leaders (to help them discover their authenticity and confidently elevate their careers, lives and those around them).
Written for Expat Women
© Beverley Hamilton, 2012
