Expat Women - Expat Tips - Repatriation: Tips And Advice To Ease The Transition

Filled with anticipation and expectation, we go home after living abroad, never imagining that it could be more difficult than the countries and cultures we have manoeuvred in foreign lands.

It has been two years since we left our eight-year expat assignment in Brazil, ending a ten-year stint in South America. At that time, we were headed to a dream assignment in Switzerland. However, we had not even landed on Swiss soil when my husband began entertaining an offer to return to our home country. Four months later, we boarded a flight, homeward-bound, to Chicago.

Time-wise, we sprinted home. But the real journey 'home' is an emotional and mental marathon that in reality is not so fast. Expat Expert, Robin Pascoe, in her book Homeward Bound reiterates:

"You are home! Let the new life begin! Not so fast. Those three short words should become the mantra for repatriated partners. Absolutely nothing will be fast about the reentry exercise. This is the first and most important reality check you need to make."

What Can Make Repatriation Difficult?

To some, returning home can be an easy transition back into life as it was before. To others, repatriation can be a difficult adjustment, exacerbated by two themes:

1. We return home different than when we left; and

2. Our expectations (right or wrong) of our home country, culture and relationships, often lead to disappointment and disillusionment when things work out differently upon our return.

I believe you cannot help but be changed in some way when living abroad. In my case, I developed a deeper appreciation for differences and the knowledge that those differences were not roadblocks to relationships but rather, they were conversation starters, community-builders and healthy challengers to my way of looking at the world. I developed subtle differences in the way I parented, viewed the world politically, ate, valued education and sports, and more.

My journey home was one, long lesson in the danger of expectations. I had expectations of myself, the community, my family and my coaching practice. I had to let go of trying to hold up the sky for our family, let go of where my coaching practice would go, let go of my agenda for our family, and let go of the perceptions/expectations of others as well.

10 Stages to Repatriation

Whilst repatriation is an individual journey, I propose that there are 'Ten Stages to Repatriation', that if identified, might help new repatriates understand that repatriation, like expatriation, is a cycle of stages:

Stage 1: Honeymoon: The joy of rediscovering what is charming and unique about your home country;

Stage 2: Settling-In: The creation process for home life, community life and professional life – which will be an ongoing list of tasks to completed over time;

Stage 3: Foreigner: Loneliness sets in sometime during the Settling-In stage. After there is some semblance of order and routine in place and there is space to sit down for a moment, the reality of repatriation can strike and the longing for your former life abroad can start to make you feel like you are missing out on something;

Stage 4: Dating: Our need for relationships leads us to begin extending ourselves in search of friendship and community. We begin "dating" potential friends in search of rhythm and synchronicity;

Stage 5: Overwhelm: We have come a long way but we are not there yet and we are tired at this stage. The task of creating community can be overwhelming. We must dig deep for fortitude and stamina to continue the journey;

Stage 6: Redefining Me: This is the stage in which we ask ourselves, "Who am I now?" and compare it to "Who was I abroad?" We then should be determining "What are the best parts of each?" and combining them and moving forward;

Stage 7: Am I There Yet: Right about now, we believe we should be over the transition. However, discouragement, fear and grief surface and surprise us. It is time to take a deep breath and be at peace with the feelings, regardless of what they are;

Stage 8: Acceptance: Acceptance of what is: the good, the bad, the ugly, the successes, the joys and the graceful moments. This is the big letting go;

Stage 9: Personal Flow: Our exotic past and current life integrate and we (should) find personal flow emotionally, mentally and physically; and

Stage 10: Home: The time when you can peacefully say "I am home". Time to celebrate!

From Surviving To Thriving

So, how do you navigate through the stages of repatriation?

Here are my five tips to help move you from surviving to thriving as a repatriate:


1.	Follow Your Joy. If there was ever a time to take care of yourself, it is now. Each day, ask yourself what will bring you joy and do it. Your joy path shall be sacred and nothing shall hinder you from fulfilling it each day. It can be as simple as spending five quiet moments in silence, taking a walk or calling a friend, but you must set aside time for this as a non-negotiable;

2.	Pace of Grace. Maintain a pace that is sustainable as you acclimate to your new surroundings. Do not go chasing after the wind. You may have an unlimited number of choices for entertainment and activities, but withhold from signing up for everything until you have your bearings secure. Be an observer while you settle-in. Rest. Be easy on yourself and on others in your family.

3.	Refuge. Regardless of whether you are single or have a family, you need to have a refuge to return to. Create a sacred center within the context of a physical or emotional/spiritual place to be your refuge or resting place;

4.	Make Local Connections. A clever strategy whether you move home or abroad, is to always befriend at least one local person, find one local place and find one local activity where you can connect locally to help you during your first year. Focus on finding at least one of each when you repatriate: you can always add more later; and

5.	One Year. Prepare yourse. lf for at least a one-year adjustment period. It may take longer, but the one-year mark is a good opportunity to reevaluate what else you might need to make your new home, truly feel like home.

Moving Forward

The most important learning I can share about repatriation is to take care of yourself and to reach out when the difficult moments surface. You have made great friends from your travels abroad, so call them when you need to, and know that you will make great friends at home too.

If you are looking for more support, consider (repatriate) life coaches as another source of guidance and support, and/or consult a professional therapist/counselor.

One final note… a dear friend shared with me a definition of repatriation, based on the letters themselves, which you might enjoy…

Repatriation:
Repressing emotions, processing anxiety, tasting relationships, introducing again (and again!), testing individually, Opa¹! and Nossa²!

Best wishes, fellow repatriates!

Dana Frost is a Master Life Coach who has created a mentoring program for repatriates who want to proactively turn their repatriation experience into a positive one. Dana's coaching practice uses Martha Beck Life Coaching strategies together with ancient wisdoms. Her current mantra is "Do now with abandon, all else will follow suit" – which is all about freedom and living life soulfully. Please click here to learn more about Dana's Repatriate Mentoring Program.

Dana is a mother to five children (two of whom were adopted while living in Brazil) and spouse to her faithful best friend. Dana lived in South America for ten years and currently resides in Chicago. Dana is an engaging and spiritually-insightful coach who works with clients to harmonize body to spirit and mind. She believes each person has unique talents and desires, born out of their original design.

1 Opa is a Portuguese slang term used in conversation in Brazil, to signify surprise, congratulations or "wow".

2 Nossa refers to Nossa Señora Aparecida, a patron Saint in Brazil regularly called upon in times of trouble. The term is regularly used in conversation in Brazil to indicate surprise or concern.

Kristina can be reached via email at Kristina@EstrelaConsulting.com or online at http://www.EstrelaConsulting.com.

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Repatriation: Tips And Advice To Ease The Transition