Tips To Help Families Moving Overseas
Marcia De Wolf
Regardless of the location, an expat posting inevitably affects family relationships. The good thing is that they mostly change for the better. Families who put in the extra effort are typically rewarded with closeness between family members that is stronger than ever before.
Some of the extra effort is to build excitement about the next move and to be positive. There will inevitably be bad days, and you have to find a way to go on, a good sense of humor will help.
Some Tips
Take advantage your unique surroundings and explore all the new sites at your disposal. Stay in touch with family as you are separated. Technology today makes it easy to stay in regular contact with the ones you have left behind.
Never say "no" to an expat opportunity because of your children, who should instead be a reason to go abroad. If you do accept the assignment, remember that the way you approach the move will make an impact on the children and affect their experience.
Although you do not have to "go native," do not try to keep everything the same as at home either, because it will be different. Some things, however, will encourage familiarity and security.
Besides being flexible, maintaining routine, good communication, making life exciting and staying in contact with home, it is better to involve children as soon as possible in the decision–making process. Let them hear your opinions and let them state their opinions. They are important family members and they want to be treated that way.
The adjustment will also be easier if you give your children a little freedom and be flexible about the rules you had at home. When your children are trying to be accepted among their new peer group, it helps if they are allowed to do what the local kids are doing. But before they go out and play, remember that as expatriates, they will find themselves in diverse situations, so prepare the family accordingly to avoid misunderstanding and surprises. Be willing to let your children exercise independence, even if it is a little frightening for them – and for you. By using common sense, they will build confidence and develop a strong bond with you, based on mutual respect.
If you are a non–working parent, make the effort to be active, even if it is forced at first. Take the children on visits to the surrounding region and spend valuable time with them. Keep yourself active as well.
One study identified three things that helped make it easier for the non–working spouse to adjust:
1. Language skills– Not speaking the local language can makes anyone feel isolated in their new surroundings. Language training may help you settle in.
2. Having young children(rather than school age children or no children) seems to make it easier for the spouse to adjust. This suggests that younger children, perhaps because of their increased dependency, help spouses retain an essential ‘social identity'.
3. A strong bond between partners – this helps provide the emotional and social support that non-working partners often lack abroad.
Impact on Your Marriage
Most expats do not expect that their marriage or long–term relationship will come under pressure during an assignment abroad, but it does. Taking your marriage to a new location may not seem like a challenge, but the new surroundings and related stress have been known to break up long–term relationships and marriages that were considered strong before the assignment.
Some common causes for break–ups include having one partner who is more eager to move than the other. The less eager partner will take any opportunity to blame the other and this leads to a downward spiral that is difficult to stop before it is too late.
When one partner adapts more easily to the new surroundings because of better language or social skills and leads the life they dreamed of, while the spouse is struggling to get through the day, can be another cause for relationship problems.
You may not be able to prevent stress from impacting your relationship, but you can limit the damage by keeping the lines of communication open before, during and after the move. Make sure you both really want to move and it is not one person's dream only. Discuss the reasons why you want to move and make sure these are realistic. Take time to discuss the expectations of the posting, including potential challenges you envision having to face. You should speak openly about your excitement as well as concerns before the move occurs and continue these conversations regularly once you have arrived in the new country.
Final Tips
Go Abroad with the Right Attitude:
• Be open–minded and courageous about your adventure.
• Learn to embrace change.
• Make the best of it while you can.
• Consider it a once–in–a–lifetime opportunity.
Steps You Can Take to Promote Healthy Parent–Child Interaction Before and During an Expat Assignment?
• Talk openly about everything, and be there to listen and support each other.
• Keep your children informed before and during the relocation process.
• Try to get involved in your children's school.
All the very best with your move abroad!
|
Marcia De Wolf is the author of the new, very useful book, Practical Guide To A Successful Expat Assignment. Martha was born and raised in The Netherlands, but spent half her life in the United States and Belgium. After having completed her Master's degree in International Business Communications at the University of Nijmegen, she spent a year in Lyon, France before moving to Atlanta, United States. She spent eight years in the U.S., five years of which as a publicist at CNN Headquarters, before moving to Belgium in 2001. Marcia is currently the Director of Community Relations at St. John's International School in Waterloo, Belgium, where her husband (an expat child himself) was a student in the mid–seventies. Martha is a published author and has contributed numerous articles on a variety of topics to newspapers and magazines. |
