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ExpatWomen Confession:
Dear EW Girlfriend,
We are newlyweds and decided to take the opportunity of a lifetime when my husband’s company asked if we would be keen to move abroad with his job. We have been in Vietnam for 4 months now and so far so good – especially because I have now received the paperwork to open my own counselling practice here, which is very exciting. However, I just found out that I am pregnant! My husband and I are really happy about having a baby, but I am petrified about giving birth here – within a medical system I do not know – and without the support of my family. Part of me wants to pull the plug on our assignment and return home. I know pregnancy can play havoc with your hormones, so I was hoping you could lend me some rational advice about what to do. Thanks.
PK
ExpatWomen Girlfriend:
Dear PK,
Firstly, congratulations are in order – both for your upcoming baby and for the green light on your work paperwork! Your counselling practice sounds like a flexible career option which might allow you to juggle work around your pregnancy and new motherhood – what a great situation to be in.
Secondly, take a deep breath, have a seat and try not to get ahead of yourself. The most important thing to do is find out the facts. Research, research, research – get as knowledgeable as you can about the subject of pregnancy, childbirth and what services and facilities are available in Vietnam. Buy books about having a baby, visit reputable gynaecologists and hospitals, speak to expats, speak to locals and search for as much information as possible online. Once you feel you have exhausted the information highway, then, and only then, you can begin to make some rational and informed decisions.
The value of asking around the expatriate community for the low-down on giving birth in your new city cannot be underestimated. There is sure to be an expat mothers group set up – track them down and ask them for all the information they can share – which I am sure will be plenty. Join the group if you can and start working on establishing your support networks. They will be invaluable.
Be prepared for cultural differences in terms of bedside manner and advice. Some gynaecologists ask you 100 questions at each visit – others ask only a few… but arguably, the most important few and enough to take good care of you. Again, your mothers’ group may be able to offer some insight into the differences and how to overcome them if necessary. As mentioned above, actually get out and visit the medical facilities and speak to the specialist staff. It is important to feel comfortable within your medical environment and you may be pleasantly surprised that the facilities and skill levels are well above your expectations. This happens a lot! If you find that the medical environment is not meeting your expectations, you can investigate alternative options.
If you decide to give birth in Vietnam, see how your parents feel about coming up to spend some time with you pre- and post-pregnancy. If they are willing, you have the luxury of settling baby into its new home and the support of your family and the support of your local mothers group(s). Sounds like a win-win-win to me. By the way, if you want your parents to stay longer than a few days, it may be worth seeing if it is feasible to have them stay in your apartment, or if a hotel or apartment complex nearby will give you a special deal on a longer-term stay. Also check out the visa situation for them to come and visit and how long a tourist visa will be valid in Vietnam.
If you decide that having the baby in Vietnam is absolutely a no-no for you, have you considered going home for a few months and then moving back to Vietnam? This is quite a common scenario for pregnant mothers, but does take some pre-planning. You may want to go home soon (around 20 weeks) to make necessary arrangements and book your gynaecologist/obstetrics nurse (OB)/maternity hospital. Or, it may be that you have an OB in Vietnam that you are happy with and you can just maintain email/phone contact with your OB back home for extra support, as needed. Either way, if you deliver at home, your OB there will need to have your medical records from visits in Vietnam.
If you do go home temporarily for your delivery, you are likely to need to be away for around three months. Perhaps your husband can use his annual leave or organise some unpaid leave to come home with you for at least part of the time, however it is more than likely that your husband will not be able to be there with you for the entire time and it may also mean flying back to Vietnam on your own with a newborn. Many find this is the downside to delivering away from their current location.
A very important point to check is which airlines will allow you to fly heavily pregnant and then book accordingly. Many will allow a ‘normal low risk pregnancy’ to fly with a letter from your gynaecologist/OB up until 34 weeks. Others will allow you to fly up to 36-38 weeks, whereas others require you to complete your flying before you hit the 30-32 week mark.
Another important thing to check is how the location you choose to give birth in will affect your medical coverage/insurance policy – and your personal finances.
If you do indeed ‘pull the plug’ and go home permanently, it is not the end of the world. But a small word of warning: leaving an international assignment prematurely may hinder the chances of your husband being offered another such opportunity, it may affect both of your memories of international assignments, plus may cause some spoken and/or unspoken tension in your relationship.
I would strongly suggest you consider ‘pulling the plug’ as an absolute last resort. I have seen many people go home temporarily to have a baby and I have seen many people stay on with the proviso of going back home as soon as their current assignment is complete, but I have seen very few people (if any) leave an assignment to go home permanently for the birth of a new baby, when they have not long been abroad, especially when it is on a company-sponsored assignment.
Ultimately, there is no right or wrong answer as to what you should do – it will come down to what you and your husband feel is right for you, once you feel rational and informed enough to feel certain about your choice. Good luck!
ExpatWomen Girlfriend
March 2009
Our ExpatWomen Girlfriend is originally from New Zealand. She has been living abroad as an expatriate since 1996. She has an educational background in Human Resources and Cross Cultural Psychology and has worked with expatriate support issues at the private, corporate and non-profit level. In 2004, she saw a need and established an English speaking hotline in her expat location, offering free mental health support to the growing expatriate population. The hotline provides confidential and anonymous support and information via trained telephone volunteers and is funded through corporate sponsorship. Our ExpatWomen Girlfriend has always been an active member in the various expatriate communities she has lived in, providing cross-cultural awareness training and informal counseling sessions with a particular focus on the 'trailing spouse' and family.
Disclaimer: This column is intended to be of general interest to visitors. Its suggestions and/or inferences are generalizations and do not address the needs of individuals, nor should they be relied upon in any shape or form. Please seek professional advice/counseling/therapy if you genuinely need assistance to talk through issues in your life right now. |
