ExpatWomen Confession:


Dear EW Girlfriend,

We have recently moved back to the UK from Bombay, India. My husband is with a large telecommunications company and we have been away from the UK for almost 12 years. I really enjoyed my time away and have learnt and experienced a lot, but we felt it was time to give our children some time to settle now that they are approaching high school. However, we are all finding it really difficult to settle back ‘home’ into England! Both my husband and I were born, raised and worked in London, but it just doesn’t feel like home anymore. I understand that returning home is akin to reverse culture shock, but do you have any tips for us – we are struggling and whilst we made the move for the good of the family, the stresses and strains of returning are so far, not adding any good to the family at all! Please help.

GS

ExpatWomen Girlfriend:

Dear GS

The trials of returning home can be more stressful and burdensome than adjusting to a completely foreign culture at times. I hope it will make you feel a little better to know that many returning expatriate families go through some difficult transition times. One reason for this is that everybody, including yourselves, expects you to slot right back into the community and the same routine of life you once had. But the truth is the people are different, the community is different, the culture is different and most importantly YOU are different. You probably feel confused, disconnected and not in control of your new environment and rightly so. It is hard to cope with cultural ignorance; not knowing the latest TV shows, current political concerns, local laws and media gossip for example. This is compounded when others around you can not understand your ‘ignorance’, where you are coming from, literally, nor are particularly interested in hearing about your life’s experiences. Suddenly all that you’ve done, been and have had are not relevant to your new community.

Families returning from an overseas posting need to expect that the new road home may not always be smooth. Transition into your new environment, successful adaptation into relearning your culture and the return of happy, smiling family members may take some time. Take it easy, read and research your new home and be supportive of each other. Treat returning home like taking on a new assignment – look at your old home with new eyes. Travel around and take the time to relearn the idiosyncrasies of the ‘locals’, ask your hotel staff about the cultural differences and join as many groups as you can. Many cities now have clubs or associations for returning expats – a great place to meet like-minded people who can help make your assimilation back into ‘normal’ life a little less daunting. Use and rely on your family members too. They are certainly one group of people who understand your background, the troubles and frustrations you maybe feeling and can offer support and empathy. Share your frustrations openly and honestly with each other – this, and time, should bring your family together again. ces.

ExpatWomen Girlfriend
May 2007 

Our ExpatWomen Girlfriend is originally from New Zealand. She has been living abroad as an expatriate since 1996. She has an educational background in Human Resources and Cross Cultural Psychology and has worked with expatriate support issues at the private, corporate and non-profit level. In 2004, she saw a need and established an English speaking hotline in her expat location, offering free mental health support to the growing expatriate population. The hotline provides confidential and anonymous support and information via trained telephone volunteers and is funded through corporate sponsorship. Our ExpatWomen Girlfriend has always been an active member in the various expatriate communities she has lived in, providing cross-cultural awareness training and informal counselling sessions with a particular focus on the 'trailing spouse' and family.

Disclaimer: This column is intended to be of general interest to ExpatWomen.com visitors. Its suggestions and/or inferences are generalisations and do not address the needs of individuals, nor should they be relied upon in any shape or form. Please seek professional advice/counselling/therapy If you genuinely need assistance to talk through issues in your life right now.