'Trying' is a very tricky word, and so is confident. That's why I've linked them here.
It's appalling how many people lack the confidence just to go around their lives being themselves, speaking their truth, putting themselves forwards when it feels like the right moment and trusting that their actions in the world are ok.
I read a nice line recently that went something like "You might as well be you, all the other people are taken already!" I like it. It's a reminder to me to simply be myself and not to limit myself to fit other people's expectations. Gary Outrageous explores that theme with his question 'Who is This Someone?' in my book, GOOD QUESTION!.
So why do I need a reminder to be myself? Like you I live in a real world of expectations and rules. Like you I was brought up to fit in and to behave in certain ways. While it was great to learn common courtesies and general ways of being respectful and kind I've had to unlearn a great deal that didn't serve me.
What I've had to unlearn is all the ways I 'should' be that aren't really me.
For example, I've got a quiet reflective side to my nature, and also a friendly outgoing side. I've had to learn to honour both sides of myself. It's great! When I'm at a social or networking event I'll let myself quietly listen and observe, and I'll only start actively participating when I FEEL like it. That's not selfish because it is respecting my own nature, my natural and ebbs and flows of energy. If I didn't do that, and forced myself to be jolly when I felt like being a fly on the wall I'd be unhappy and wouldn't be relating to people in a sincere way.
And that's what I mean by being confident without really trying. When you are not trying too hard and pushing yourself to be the way you 'should' be -for whatever out of date reason- then you can be confident in your own sweet way.
Judy Barber is a respected coach and author of the ultimate coaching book, Good Question: The Art of Asking Questions To Bring About Positive Change Buy it today here
http://www.bookshaker.com
