If you’re an expat woman with kids, chances are you’ll be making the trip home with them before long. For many of us, that involves a long haul flight, often without the spouse for at least one leg of the journey. Don’t despair – although I can’t promise you a miracle, there are things you can do to make the journey less of an ordeal.
Preparation
Documentation – your offspring will need a passport if you are flying overseas, so make sure you give yourself plenty of time to get one. If you have a really small baby, also make sure that the airlines will let you fly with him/her as they vary regarding the minimum age. I have found that it’s the pediatricians rather than the airlines, who place the minimum age higher because of the risk of infection.
Booking the flight – some things to consider:
When to fly? – When flying long haul, I always book night flights when I can. I know I have been lucky because sometimes (say a 9pm flight) my kids have been asleep before we took off. It’s not a guarantee however, and if your child doesn’t sleep all night, it might be worse for you. Also think about what time you’ll be getting to your destination. In terms of their body clock, will they be too tired to walk? Will they be too cranky to make connections? When will you be at your best?
Non-stop or layover? – While flights may be cheaper if they have more legs, do you really want to extend your journey more than you have to? Don’t forget, layovers mean more chance of losing your luggage, delayed flights and cranky kids, although sometimes they can’t be avoided. Also bear in mind that some airlines will call a flight “direct” but you might still have to land at more than one airport. If you want “non-stop” then make sure it says that.
To purchase a seat or not?– if you have a child under two, you have a number of options but always check with the individual airline. Some do not require you to purchase a seat for children under two, although the thought of holding the child in the lap often drives parents to do so anyway. (American Airlines will not ticket a “lap child” for international flights.) If you will be holding the baby throughout the flight, some airlines will equip you with a lap belt, which you loop through your seat belt. This holds the baby in place like a seat belt, but is separate from yours, meaning that you wouldn’t squash them in the case of turbulence. In my experience, American airline companies do not have these on board. If you choose to just hold your little one, ask at the check in if the flight is full – they can often place you next to an empty seat. Many airlines offer bassinettes or sky cots for babies, but others require you to bring your own car seat or other approved restraint. There are very few sky cots on board so you need to book ahead to obtain one. There is often a small charge for them, but it’s a lot cheaper than a seat. If you opt for the “lap” journey, you must still tell the airline about the child.
If you purchase a seat for the child, some airlines give discounts and some do not. Even if it’s not compulsory, you may want to take a car seat on board as the regular seat belt does little to strap the child in. My kids have always settled much quicker when strapped into a familiar seat. Many travelers now purchase the car seat that is also a stroller/pushchair. (The Sit ‘N Stroll) These are great for maneuvering round airports, and it saves having to take two separate pieces of baby equipment. They are quite heavy and the wheels can be tricky to get in and out at first. A warning though – on internal flights where the planes, and therefore the seats, are sometimes smaller, these car seats may be too wide. In such a case you will simply be asked to check it. If this happens, make sure they will have it for you as you get off the plane.
Think also about where you want to sit, if you have the opportunity to book your seats in advance. I would always recommend doing this if you can, as sometimes airlines split families up or you get on board and find it’s rows of two seats and you’re traveling alone with two kids. Although you can’t sit in the exit rows with children, you can request a bulk head seat (with more leg room). I found these great until my kids started getting lanky and needed to put their feet on my lap. Bulkhead arm rests don’t move so you can’t lift them up to create one big sofa. www.seatguru.com is a great web site that has the seat plans of all airline models, and also has all the airlines’ web pages linked.
Prior to your flight, you often have the option to check in on-line and print out your tickets. To me this is a no-brainer as it’s one less line to stand in.
Ordering a child meal – most airlines offer children’s meals, like mini burgers or grilled cheese sandwiches. If you order these meals, confirm a few days before your flight as often if they have changed the aircraft you’ll be traveling on, they forget to input the menu orders too. Don’t leave it too late, as they often need about 48 or 72 hour’s notice to book kid meals. If you know your kids wouldn’t eat the regular meal, (like most) you should probably also take a snack on board in case the kid meal doesn’t appear. A few years ago I ordered kid meals, confirmed them before the flight, and then they gave them out to the wrong passengers! By the time the mistake was discovered of course, there were no more kid meals on board. It’s annoying and unacceptable, and the consequence is that your children are left without a meal, sometimes for long periods.
Velcro shoes – and that should go for adults too! Children have to take their shoes off at security these days so make sure it’s as easy as possible.
WHAT TO TAKE ON BOARD
Think about your journey – do you know you’ll have a long walk when you get off the plane? How is the best way to get your kids from A to B? Most airports now have web sites with layouts included. If you land at Terminal 4, Heathrow airport for example, it’s quite a hike through immigration and customs so you don’t want to be carrying a heavy, sleeping toddler. If you’re connecting to an internal flight, there are still many airports where you have to walk across the tarmac and up the stairs. Will you be able to do this with what you’re taking on board? (If not, don’t be shy in asking for help.)
Practice with your equipment – if you buy new stuff or borrow it from friends, make sure you can manage it. Years ago I did the eight hour TransAtlantic flight solo with a four month old and an almost three year old. Why I didn’t cough up for a cheap double stroller I don’t know, but I put the baby in a front pouch and the toddler in a folding stroller. Brilliant?! Almost as soon as I tried to walk, I realized the baby was swinging out all over the place. This necessitated holding him still with one hand while pushing the stroller with the other – almost impossible with swivel front wheels. When I came to get on the plane, I needed to bend over the stroller to fold it and of course, I couldn’t because of the baby in the front pouch. A stressor which could have been avoided if I’d done a practice run at home.
Talking of stollers/pushchairs – if you really need to have it as soon as you get off the plane (like at Heathrow), find out beforehand whether or not you will be allowed to take it on board. Airlines are getting very picky about strollers but most will “gate check” it for you, meaning that it will be waiting for you at the plane door when you disembark. Be prepared for a long wait as that promise sometimes falls flat and the strollers are the last things to reappear.
Toys, books etc. – consider giving the kids their own little back pack and put some light weight things in there. Yes, it just means more things to potentially leave on the plane but you wouldn’t believe how loaded down your own carry on bag will get with their stuff. If you have a baby with you, most of your space is going to be taken up with baby paraphernalia anyway. Take small, light books and toys unless you want to end up carrying all the backpacks they eventually decide are too heavy. I usually buy them at least one new, inexpensive toy to capture their attention for, oh, five minutes. Make sure you also have something that is familiar to them. Help yourself by taking things they can do themselves, unless you want to spend the whole flight reading aloud – which is exhausting after the first two hours.
Baby food – if your baby takes formula, the easiest thing to do is travel with the formula in powder format and then add water as and when you need a bottle. This sounds so obvious, but I swear I was half way through the second baby (so to speak) before I learned about it. I was lugging full bottles around, and worrying about how long they would “keep”. If your baby needs a warm bottle, most cabin crew members will be able to heat water up for you, (check ahead as some small planes can’t) then you can simply add cold bottled water to that and mix it. My kids were trained from an early age to take a bottle at room temperature to avoid this problem.
Food – Because of the new heightened security rules, you can usually only take on board baby food jars that have not been opened. If your kids are eating big kids’ food that seems to be fine – bagels, packets etc. Again, check with your individual airline to be sure. Liquid is generally not allowed through security, but you can buy drinks on the other side or get them on the plane.
For toddlers, don’t forget a sippy cup as it’s usually quite difficult to drink from a regular cup while flying, even for adults.
Diapers/Nappies – err on the side of caution. Some airlines have great baby packages on board but the diapers rarely fit your actual child. More and more airlines don’t even do this. There’s really no such thing as carrying too many diapers as you never know how long you might be delayed, whether your child will have diarrhea (which has happened to me – three diapers in one hour) etc. Given that these are light, you could always put them in a kid’s backpack. With really little kids I usually also take a change of clothes. Yes, it sounds like a lot to carry but if your child has any kind of accident it’s no fun sitting in wet clothes. I distinctly remember returning to Chicago in mid-winter with one child sitting in an under-shirt because he’d tipped his drink all down his front. The diarrhea incident certainly required a change of clothes! Also make sure you have a plastic bag to put soiled clothes in.
Medication – many, many children experience ear pain because of the altitude change on landing or take off. Solutions to this include giving them a bottle, pacifier (or boob) depending on their age, chewing gum or something soft to chew to pop their ears. We also have a yawning competition which seems to help. In some cases the best thing is children’s pain killer, although the airlines don’t have this on board. In this age of heightened security, you would probably have to take a very small, sealed bottle on board. If your child has a bad cold or an ear infection just before your flight, check with your doc as a perforated ear drum is the last thing you all want. They can obviously also advise on the best medications. You can buy pressure-regulating ear plugs in many countries that are said to reduce ear pressure pain.
Some people also choose to “calm” their children with anti-histamine medication such as Benadryl. This usually makes kids a little sleepy, but can make a few of them even more hyper than usual. If this is your plan, I would suggest you make sure they have had a trial run with it before the flight – just in case.
DURING THE FLIGHT
Other passengers – While I believe in trying hard not to irritate other passengers, you must keep in mind that you and your kids have a right to be on that plane. When my first child was a baby, I sat next to a passenger who let out an audible groan when he saw me, babe in arms. I breezily pointed out that it was difficult enough without negative comments, and that “stressed mother means stressed baby”. He never said another word.
One thing to watch for is your child’s feet on the seat in front. There’s nothing worse than spending the whole journey with your seat being bumped, but most passengers won’t immediately say anything; they will turn around, huff and puff, get up and walk around. By the time they say anything, they are so worked up they end up being quite mean, and you’ll likely burst into tears. If your child’s feet are anywhere near the seat in front, take their shoes off and the effect won’t be as bad.
The other thing I think is inappropriate is changing a baby at your seat, if there is a changing table in one of the bathrooms. You may be oblivious to the smell of a diaper but most passengers aren’t and it’s enough to turn a stomach or two. If you need to change a baby, there should be at least one bathroom with a changing table in it, and they typically fold out from the wall above the toilet. Much better than using the floor in there.
Ask for help – crew members are there to help you and I have generally had great experiences. If you really need to go to the loo, ask one of them to take care of the kids. They will even hold a baby for you as they can see that there’s no way you can pee and not put the baby on the nasty floor. If you’re busy with a child when the meals are served, you can have yours held back and served to you if, and when, your child is asleep or back in her own seat.
If your child (usually a toddler) won’t put the seatbelt on, ask a crew member to explain that this is the rule. They can do so without scaring the child and boy, do kids take notice. I know of one instance where the crew member responded with, “Ma’am, you’re the parent, you discipline him”, but they are usually more helpful than that.
Negotiating the meal – it’s very difficult to help youngsters when you have your tray down and a meal in front of you. Most cabin crew members will happily keep your meal till later, and it’s often still warm when you get it back. In this way you can help your kids, reach the things that land on the floor, and then eat your meal in relative peace.
Before disembarking – check on the floor to make sure you haven’t left the special toy. It’s worth really almost going through a mental list when doing this as the chances of getting something back are often slim to none. One of my kids (who will remain nameless) left a brand new Game Boy on a flight from England to Spain, and even though we realized this before we were out of the airport, it was already gone. On the other hand, more recently a teddy was left on a United flight, and was brought to us as we were still waiting at the luggage carousel. Still not worth the hassle though.
Wait till everyone else is off – yes, you’ve had a long flight, you can’t wait to get off the plane, and it’s getting really hot. In my experience though, other passengers are also desperate to get off and are almost oblivious to the children at knee height. Far better to wait until everyone else is ahead of you. You’re more likely to be assisted by the flight crew and you’ll find it’s much less stressful and dangerous for the kids.
AT YOUR DESTINATION
You’ve arrived. Give yourself a pat on the back, or a stiff drink! The main challenge you now face is jet lag. There’s really no magic solution and different people react differently to it. My husband swears by Melatonin, (a sleep aid, which is supposed to help with jet lag) but I never take it. Since you can’t give it to kids, what’s the point of adjusting to the time change before they do? My advice is to do what you can to adjust, get out in daylight when you’re supposed to be awake, but take it easy and don’t force the kids into an unnatural sleep pattern before they’re ready or you’ll pay for it in the middle of the night.
One last thing – if you experience bad service or unhelpful crew and airport staff on your journeys, complain to the appropriate airline or airport, preferably in writing with dates and flight numbers. You never know, this might result in some form of compensation, but at the very least, the organizations in question should hear about your ordeal.
Copyright Toni Hargis. Reprinted with Permission. Toni is British. She is living in Chicago, Illinois with her family. She is the author of Rules, Britannia; An Insider’s Guide to Life in the United Kingdom”, (St. Martin’s Press, NY, 2006). www.rulesbritannia.com
