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Divorce & You
Nicola Baume
The world is up in the air. The world economy has taken a tumble which affects not only your bank balances but also your jobs, emotions, lifestyle and marriage. Marriages are breaking up and people are at a loss as how to cope. Planning what to do in these circumstances is difficult and made more so by the unpredictability of the financial world.
As a divorce coach working with people all over the globe I come across the same worries over and over. Although every relationship is different and every separation is different, these are three things you can do now to get yourself on track and in control.
1. The Sigh List
This is a relatively easy exercise that will give you a tangible list to work from. Firstly, what is a sigh? I think it is a loss of energy. I mean we do not sigh when we see something we really want to do. If you are sighing at many things through the day you are losing the energy you need for planning and setting goals. So, get yourself a notepad and walk yourself through your life. Every time you see something or think of something that makes you sigh write it down. When you have a complete list, take action. Do something small like getting your glasses tightened or repotting a plant. Every day take action to reduce your sigh list. You will start to feel better about yourself and your circumstances as you get proactive with your life.
2. Do Your Finances
Having a full understanding of the situation is the only way to be able to cope properly with it. Make a list of your monthly bills, your weekly bills, your quarterly bills and your yearly bills. This will give you a real understanding of where your money goes. Also, make a list of your assets and liabilities. With this information you will be able to make realistic decisions for the choices during your separation and before your settlement. Remember, two households will need to be supported during this time and it is best for everyone to come to firm financial agreements on how this will be accomplished. It may be a conversation you really do not want to have but it can be far worse if things start to get mean.
3. Be Kind To Yourself
This seems to be one of the hardest things for people to do when they are in a divorce situation. Being kind to yourself is giving yourself a break about how you ended up in this situation and nurturing yourself as much as you do other people. Divorce is a procedure that can take quite a while and being at your emotional and physical best is vital. So, start to eat right, drink eight glasses of water a day, exercise daily, get plenty of sleep and prioritise these things as essentials. Do not be harder on yourself than you are on others by setting yourself more tasks than can possibly be performed in a day.
I also suggest you keep a journal. Every morning open it and write down all the things you are grateful for, such as your children, the sun shining, your ability to cope and learn. Then write down all the things you want to achieve in your life – make it a word picture. Next, if you want to, write what you will to do today and how you are going to do it. Repeat this every day. It makes a big difference and will help you get things in perspective.
I understand the added stress of having a marriage break up overseas. My own finished while we were living in Tokyo. Getting myself and four children back to an uncertain future in Sydney was a challenge and not having the support around me from those who know me best was really hard. But it is possible.
Nicola Baume is a divorce coach working from Sydney, Australia. She works with clients face to face, via email and with Skype. If you are in need of someone to talk to about your divorce or separation please do not hesitate to get in contact.
January 2009
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