At any stage in life you can encounter feelings of self-doubt and lethargy. It is estimated that we each have between 5,000 and 15,000 negative thoughts a day – rearing their ugly heads most prevalently when we are feeling vulnerable.  Although moving and living abroad can be extremely exciting and often a positive step to make in life, it can also bring with it new challenges that test you to your limit and can leave you doubting your capabilities.

For days when you find yourself disempowered by negative talk, below is a five-step process to help you blast those negative thoughts out of your head and empower yourself towards achieving successful outcomes:


Step 1 - Raise Awareness

The vast majority of your thoughts and beliefs occur in your subconscious mind, so you might not even be aware that you hold them. Your beliefs trigger your behavior, making you act in ways you deem appropriate. Unfortunately the subconscious mind does not differentiate between your negative and positive thoughts, treating them equally and regarding them all as ‘true’.  It is therefore important to raise your conscious awareness of the negative beliefs that you hold, by actively listening out for them. Every time you say something negative about yourself or your abilities – such as how you look, how you feel, how you think you are perceived by others and so on – make sure you write your exact thought down, to raise your awareness of your negative thoughts and to try to monitor them – how frequently they occur, when they occur etc.


Step 2 – Seek Evidence For Your Beliefs

As mentioned earlier, beliefs are statements that you personally hold to be true. It is interesting then that in the main, your negative beliefs will not actually be true. Beliefs are formed over time and the views of influential people in your life - parents, siblings and teachers for example – can have a powerful impact on the beliefs that you hold about yourself.  When looking at the list of negative beliefs that you wrote in Step 1, seek evidence for truth in each one. If you cannot find any rock-hard evidence that supports your belief, then accept that it is not true, cross that belief off your list and move on. If you do have evidence that there is some truth in a negative belief, make a decision to do something about it by following these next steps. 


Step 3 - Identify Your Inner Gremlin

Sometimes a negative thought can manifest itself in the form of a critical inner voice that sticks its nose into your business throughout your day telling you that you cannot do things. I call it a ‘gremlin’ because it is mischievous and tends not to serve you well.  When your gremlin next pops up, stop, close your eyes and imagine where it is in your body. Is it in your stomach? In your head? In your left arm? Your initial reaction is usually the one to follow. Now that you know where it is, think about what it looks, sounds and feels like. Does it have a texture? Is it cold or warm? Does it have arms or legs? Does it shriek like a banshee or does it have a low, monotonous voice? Now you are familiar with it, give it a name. When it pops up next time call it by your chosen name and change its voice to something that makes you laugh (perhaps Miss Piggy from The Muppets!). Raising your awareness of your inner gremlin is important but it is just as important to belittle it and choose to throw its negative chatter away.


Step 4 – Set Positive Affirmations

Now that you are more aware of your negative beliefs, it is important to set a series of positive affirmations to change them, over time, into positive statements or beliefs that you hold about yourself.

Take ‘confidence’ as an example. It would be impractical to go from saying “I am not confident in social situations” to “I am uber-confident in all social situations”. The stepping stone approach enables you to make small but regular adjustments to bridge the gap.  So “I am unconfident in social situations” becomes: “I am confident around my family.” to: “I have a friendly face and warm personality.” to: “I like going to new social events with someone I know already.”

Work with one affirmation at a time and repeat it out loud when you wake up to start your day positively and just before you go to bed to help your subconscious mind process your new belief whilst you sleep.  Once you feel comfortable and confident with your affirmation write a new, more stretching affirmation and restart the process. It takes time to change beliefs so you must repeat your affirmations daily, as often as you can.  In the case of ‘confidence’, over time you will believe you are more confident and there will be evidence to support you. As a consequence, you will become more confident in how you act and engage with other people.


Step 5 - Become Intentional

Intentionality is not a skill that everyone is born with but it can be learnt. It is a choice between choosing to be acted upon and acting for yourself.  Realising that a particular negative belief (and its resultant behaviour) does not serve you well is incredibly empowering. Now you have a choice to do something about it.  Being intentional means that you are choosing to be more confident, be more open-minded, be a better communicator, be better at budgeting – whatever it is, you are making a decision to think a new way and move yourself forward.

You are a capable person with the ability to change your thought patterns.  Go for it!

© Clear Horizon Coaching 2008
Published by Expatwomen.com with permission

Rebecca Wells is a coach who specialises in working with expatriates. If you believe you could be happier or feel that you could achieve more either personally or professionally, visit her website
www.clearhorizoncoaching.com for more information and to read about how coaching can help you move forwards.  Rebecca also offers expats, who are genuinely interested in their personal development, a free coaching session with absolutely no obligation so that they can experience the power of coaching with her first-hand.