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The Gift of Being Upset
Pamela Mattsson
Lots of things upset us: traffic, other people's behavior, our behavior, time pressures, work, family....LIFE! And as an expatriate, we often have the added pressure of cultural misunderstandings, adjustment, and little if any familial support system. When we are upset, what is really happening and what can we do about it?
What is the gift in being upset?
Being upset about something signals the opportunity to learn more about yourself and your world-view. If you are willing to take an honest look inside and ask yourself some tough questions, you can unleash the power of greater self-awareness and use it to create a better quality of life for yourself.
When we get upset there is usually one of two things going on. One, there is an underlying value or need that is not being honored in our lives or two, there is a part of us that we are working so hard to avoid that we see it clearly in other people.
Try on this perspective. If traffic or time pressures are really stressing you out, perhaps you have a huge need for freedom in your life that is not being honored. If you find yourself dreading social outings and feeling crowded even by those you love, maybe you need more time for yourself. If you find yourself being really lonely, perhaps you have a huge need for genuine connection.
When you feel the emotional charge of being upset about outside circumstances, take a deep breath and ask yourself: "What need or value of mine is being stepped on here?" "What is important about (what's upsetting me)?" and then, "What is one thing I can do this week to meet that need?"
Secondly, if someone is being rude and obnoxious, maybe that display is bumping up against a part of you that gets hidden. It doesn't mean that you are rude and obnoxious but it may mean that you avoid that behavior to a point that it doesn't serve you. Maybe there is something to learn from someone who doesn't care what other's think of him. You could ask yourself: "Where in my life do I sacrifice what I want in order to avoid being seen as rude?" "What is the cost of always being nice?" "What can I do today to honor what I want in my life?"
You can't control traffic, time, or other people's behavior but you can control your reaction. Viewing your emotional charge as a gift and an opportunity to learn something important about yourself can significantly shift your awareness and quality of life. Take a deep breath when you feel upset and ask your wise inner-self for more information.
Do whatever it takes to be aware of what you need, notice how you feel when your needs are not being met and most importantly, be first in line to honor your values and meet your own needs. Now that is something to be rude and obnoxious about!
Copyright Pamela Mattsson Reprinted with permission. |
