On every flight, while some passengers are excitedly browsing through their in-flight movie guide, other passengers are fighting their inner fear of flying and thinking things like:

These and many similar inner fear messages swarm around in their heads. Maybe you know: maybe you are one of these passengers.

Hot Words: The Triggers For Fear

With this kind of information racing through one's mind it is no wonder that a person feels afraid of flying. In fact, in that context, fear is a reasonable feeling to have. But let's take a look at the hot words in the above examples: fall; crash; trapped; screaming; cannot stand it; and going crazy. All of these words trigger fear. They are alarm words or "hot words". These words are forbidden in certain situations. For example yelling, "We will all be trapped and screaming for our lives", in the middle of a theater is quite like screaming "fire". What is important is to realize the effect that these words have on one's feelings as they are swirling around in the mind. Although the feeling of fear is reasonable when connected to these words, one must ask, does the situation and its solution warrant their use? The natural reaction to these words is fear and the action indicated is to run – one of the biological fight or flight reactions.

Fear Reaction to Automatic Action

The truth is when we are automatically reacting to fear we cannot decide:

This makes it difficult to decide the best action to take. The solution to an uncontrolled fear response is to find the courage to feel afraid, and to face the reality of what is happening. Sounds simple, doesn't it? But perhaps you are asking yourself now:

 A Natural Response

The answer to your natural response is both, yes and no! The truth is that many people who are afraid to fly are also afraid of other unknown or uncertain situations in their lives.
So in short I am saying:

Start by building your courage to face your fear. This gives you the chance to choose the best action to take rather than an automatic reaction. Fear is nature's alarm system for protection. Its job is to alert us to unknowns and dangers, like tigers and large trucks that might run us over. However. a faulty fear alarm system distracts us from the ability to assess dangers and reality It becomes almost impossible to distinguish between a fearful event and a feeling of pending danger. We become locked into a fear cycle that feeds on itself and puts us potentially in more danger.

Fear As A Positive Self-Protection Alarm

It sounds something like this:

Our decisions on the best action to take will depend on if the blur is:

The important difference here is that we ensure that our reaction is based on a functioning fear alarm system. This allows us to react to the right situation. We can then take the appropriate action. When we accept that we feel afraid and that the feelings are saying, "Investigate!" it gives us the power to take charge of how we handle a given situation.
How to go from:

Steps To Finding The Courage To Fly

Step 1: Admit that you are afraid, and that you want to change. You might even still say I do not know if I can, but I will find out some new information and reach out for help.

Step 2: Assure yourself that you will find out all the answers to your questions. You make the commitment to keep on asking questions until you feel satisfied.

Step 3: Allow yourself to have your feelings of fear. That is to say: support your courage to feel afraid. Then commit yourself to learning the difference between feelings of fear about airplanes and flying and your inner feelings that say, "I cannot stand feeling afraid". This means learning about how people's thoughts and feelings control what they experience. You can then determine whether the danger is from outside or inside you. This gives you the chance to take appropriate action.

Step 4: Develop a specific flying plan of action that is personally created to make your flying experience more comfortable. Ensure your plan of action includes: setting realistic goals; clarifying your motivation; monitoring 'hot words' and replacing them with 'cool and calm words'; practicing your breathing and relaxation; and reinforcing your positive affirmations about flying courageously.


My very best wishes to you as you learn how to fly without fear in the skies!

Robin Fay-McNair, M.S., is a therapist, pilot and coach. Robin has produced a Courage To Fly in-flight CD program for fearful flyers. Robin also works with expatriates in her coaching program Try Your Own Wings – Maximizing Your Expat Experience. You can visit Robin's website at: www.couragetofly.com